An infamous Islamic State militant has claimed that the American prison camp located in the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base is the new Ibiza.
The militant, who grew up in London, where he achieved a masters degree in media production, and claims to be fighting for a better life, made the audacious claim while speaking at a recent public beheading.
The masked militant claimed that Guantanamo Bay, or G-Bay as it has become commonly known in the ISIS militant community, is “practically the new Ibiza innit” and that doing time there would be a “piece of piss” for him or any of his Islamic State brothers.
According to sources close to the militant, some members of the Islamic state are now voluntarily turning themselves in to American special forces operating in the Middle East in a bid to be sent to the highly rated political prisoner camp.
“I only got into the Islamism cause I was bullied in school and my knowledge of the religion is loose but us fighters see Guantanamo as a little piece of Mecca on Earth,” explained Mark, a twenty four year old building contractor and former school friend of the unnamed militant. “It’s got a Caribbean climate, there’s no women, no music, no alcohol and very little fun so it’s pretty much the perfect destination for us guys.”
“I’ve heard fighting wars can be quite stressful,” continued Mark. “Particularly when your mandate is to destroy all of western society and anyone else who doesn’t agree with you, so I think it’s important to have G-Bay as a sort of home away from home where we can catch up with old friends and just chill out in the sun away from all the nonsense.”
“When you think about it waterboarding and torture is a lot like taking ketamine,” claimed the militant’s associate, “so when you take away the clubs, women, drink and general hedonism, which I don’t like anyway, it’s practically the same thing. I think we’ll see more and more Brits holidaying over there in the not too distant future,”
