A giant flame throwing metal spider from outer space has reportedly been thrown out of a Bristol nightclub for refusing to put its shirt back on.
The giant flame throwing metal spider, real name Arcanon 317, came to Earth approximately fifteen years ago and has spent much of that time entertaining crowds with The Arcadia Spectacular at some of the world’s most famous music festivals, including Glastonbury and Ultra Miami.
It is rumoured that Arcanon 317 is in Bristol to perform at the Arcadia Bristol Festival this September and also to catch up with fellow alien, Banksy, who is in the city to cut his granny’s grass.
Reports from Bristol indicate that Arcanon 317 was quietly asked to leave the city’s Pryzm nightclub shortly after 11pm last Saturday night after refusing to replace its top on one of the clubs dance floors.
Wunderground spoke exclusively to Arcanon 317 earlier today, “I really can’t believe that I was thrown out of the club for taking my top off. I mean I’m a giant metal spider from outer space, it’s not like I have any nipples or anything.”
“I’ve been clubbing on all the continents of this planet, and a lot of other planets too, and I’ve never once been thrown out for taking my top off,” explained Arcanon 317 in a voice much camper than you’d expect from a giant flame throwing space spider. “I always take my top off, you’d be surprised how hot you get when you’re made of metal and breath flames, it’s like living in an oven.”
“I just don’t think the security guard knew how much of a logistical nightmare it would have been for me to put my top back on,” continued Arcanon 317. “I was saying to him ‘it’s alright for you, you’ve only got two arms, I’ve got eight and I’m a fucking giant spider’ but he wouldn’t listen, they probably would have had to evacuate the entire club for me to do it.”
“Normally things like this wouldn’t hurt my feelings, it’d be like molten rock off a giant flame throwing spider’s back,” revealed Arcanon 317. “But I’ve been on tenterhooks lately, I’ve changed to a Biofuel diet and it takes a bit of getting used to. I’d never go back to fossil fuels, not only is the Biofuel stuff good for the environment but i’ve also lost about twenty five tonnes since I’ve been on it, I’ve never looked so good.”
You can see Arcanon 317’s new slimline figure along with some of electronic music’s biggest names, including Roni Size, Leftfield, Annie Mac and Eats Everything at Arcadia Bristol this September.
