A man who left his glasses in pocket of his coat when leaving it into the cloakroom has been unable to find his ticket, it has emerged.
London native Peter Fairchild was left shivering, shortsighted and coatless after security staff told him he would have to come back tomorrow to claim his coat from lost property unless he could produce the relevant documentation.
“It’s an absolute disaster,” claimed Fairchild, while speaking to a postbox he thought was his friend. “I was sure I’d stuck my cloakroom ticket in my wallet but when I went to look in my wallet at the end of the night all I had in my pocket was a stack of beer mats, I think my wallet might actually be in my coat too.”
“So now, I’ve got no wallet, no money, no coat, no glasses and no keys to get back into my house,” continued a clearly upset Mr. Fairchild. “I only took my glasses off because I thought I might get lucky, pull a bird and take her home but even if I had, which I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to bring her home to my poxy gaff anyway.”
“I’m practically blind without those glasses, it doesn’t bother me so much in a dark club but when I’ve actually to somewhere or do something without them I’m screwed.” revealed Mr. Fairchild, before walking into a lampost. “I’m just going to have to walk home and hope I can wake my housemate to let me in.”
“The only problem is it’s a fucking three and a half hour walk,” he spat, as he set out in the opposite direction of his house. “I think this is a bit of a shortcut so I should make it home in time for a couple of hours sleep before I’ve to come back and pick up my coat in the morning.”
According to friends of Peter, Mr. Fairchild has has not been seen since leaving the nightclub with a number of possible sightings being reported as far afield as Norwich, Newcastle and Paris.
