A necrophiliac in Dusseldorf, Germany, has claimed to be “killing it” with the ladies over the past number of months.
Fritz Korpsenshagger, twenty eight, has credited his recent purple patch to starting a new job in Dusseldorf’s largest morgue six months ago.
“It’s crazy, who’d of thought starting a job in a morgue would help you meet so many ladies?” asked Korpsenshagger during an exclusive chat with Wunderground. “Sure they’re not great company but, to be honest with you, I’m not much of a conversationalist myself anyway so it’s kind of a perfect arrangement.”
“I hadn’t really been having much luck with the ladies since my last girlfriend, Martina, gave me the cold shoulder in 2014,” revealed the morgue employee. “So I quit my nine to five and decided to start fresh. New job, new house and a new love interest, now I feel like a new man.”
“I had no idea I was into dead people before I started in the morgue,” claimed Fritz. “I was always kind of turned on by vampires and zombies but I always thought that was because they were sexy, not dead, but working in the morgue has really awoken my inner necrophiliac and I’m loving it. I’ve never had this much luck with the ladies. I’m killing it brah!”
“I’m easily banging six or seven girls a week in here,” continued Korpsenshagger. “Sure, it may not be legal or moral but if they don’t want me to fuck the bodies they should put some clothes on them. There’s a lot of sexy dead girls in here and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only guy who’s making the most of it. Why do you think people who work in morgues are so happy?”
According to Korpsenshagger, other benefits of Necrophilia include reduced arguing time, zero percent risk of infidelity, no pressure for commitment, no need for contraception, no special occasions to remember and extremely cheap dates.
Image: Not actually a Necrophiliac. Just somebody casually enjoying a funeral.
