A recently-crowned 28 year old vegan has this morning taken the drastic step of completely deleting all traces of techno music from her battered 62 gigabyte Hello Kitty hard drive after claiming it simply wasn’t raw enough for her tastes.
Debbie Primrose, a former telesales worker turned animal-savior-of-the-world spoke to Wunderground this morning about how her recently discovered love for leaves has driven her to such drastic measures.
“I was milking a cow this morning to donate to a local calf shelter when a classic Plastikman track popped up on shuffle” Debbie squinted.
“I used to love that track, but as the third minute rolled in, the cow, also called Debbie, turned to me and gave me that look. You know, that look only a cow can give a vegan that says ‘what is that utter wank you are listening to human-namesake-lady?’”
“The cow didn’t say it exactly, not in words, but I knew Plastikman wasn’t raw enough for him, or for me. We are kindred spirits after all, similar looking, with identical names and perfectly matching diets.”
“I will never listen to Techno again. Like my soft lovable friend Winnie The Poo, I shall spend my days sitting under the shade of a tree speaking to the animals and eating honey.”
“What? I can’t fucking eat honey?”
Image Via
In other news, a Richie Hawtin fan who was in prison serving time for drug offenses was found dead in solitary confinement, apparently from starvation. A note was found in the cell from the deceased prisoner stating that the bread and water diet he was on was “not minimal enough”…
https://youtu.be/_4xo70Kg4YU