A man who is still awake on a rollover from last night has sensationally claimed that if you haven’t slept it’s still yesterday.
In an act of defiance against the Gregorian calendar and metric time, Andy Bleasdale (23) refused to acknowledge the passing from one day to another.
“I really don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, as far as I’m concerned it’s still only Tuesday,” insisted Bleasdale during a brief chat with Wunderground. “For me, the one thing that separates one day from the next is going to bed and getting up all nice and fresh, that hasn’t happened yet so there’s no way I’m going to commit to Wednesday.”
Bleasdale, a part time shop assistant, claimed that time, days and calendars were simply a “man made construct” and were only invented as “tools of oppression by our capitalist overlords”.
“Why should I conform to this bullshit? I’m in work on Thursday night and I won’t be going anywhere near the place until I’ve had two sleeps,” continued Bleasdale. “If my boss can’t handle that he’ll just have to fire me. I really couldn’t care. I’ve actually been thinking about moving to the Mojave Desert and living off the grid anyway, so he’d actually be doing me a favour.”
According to friends of Bleasdale, the twenty three year old’s claims caused “mass confusion” after “an epic 2C-B session”.
“Everyone was pretty spaced out, the room was about as confused as group of geriatrics trying to use the internet,” claimed friend Ian Smith. “And that was before Andy started waffling on about it still being yesterday. Nobody had a clue what day it was for about five hours. We actually had to ring the talking clock just to be sure it actually was Wednesday.”
According to reports, Mr Bleasdale left the party in a panic after falling asleep for fifteen minutes on two separate occasion, claiming that he was in work later on today.
