Swedish furniture supremos Ikea have announced that they are preparing to release a line of fully functional flat pack nightclubs.
According to Lars Johnson, Ikea’s head of design, the four thousand square foot nightclubs, set to be named Cïrbaf, are likely to “revolutionise the clubbing industry”.
“Like everything we design here in Ikea, our nightclubs are centered around affordability, practicality and thinking outside of the box,” explained Mr Johnson earlier today. “We want everyone to be able to have their very own nightclub and we feel that the release of Cïrbaf will bring us one step close to that goal.”
“Making the most of space is very important to us and we have included a couple of features that will help to maximise the dance floor space,” he continued. “We’ve replaced the conventional bar area with some very clever coin activated drink dispensers that are hidden within the walls and filled with our brand new line of Ikea drinks, they’ll taste a bit shit but still do the job and be available for a fraction of the price of a normal drink.”
“We’ve also replaced the cloakroom with a revolutionary line of dance floor coat hanger, this will allow everyone in the club to hang their coats on the walls and, at the same time, offer an extra layer of insulation and soundproofing to the club’s walls,” revealed the Ikea employee. “These are just a few of a number of very exciting feature the Cïrbaf has to offer, if you want to find out what else makes it so unique you’ll be able to buy them in all of our stores early next month.”
Reports from Sweden suggest that the nightclubs will also come with a flat pack sound system, DJ and lighting rigs and resident EDM DJ, made out of the same mystery material as their famous Swedish meatballs.
