In what is being described as the most significant landslide victory of all time, the German public have voted to replace religion with techno.
So far, Germany’s Techno Referendum has gone by with practically no international media coverage but, after such a one sided victory and the total abandonment of organised religion, it is sure to be a hot topic in the coming weeks.
Incumbent German Chancellor Angela Merkel has claimed that she is “ecstatic” with the referendum’s result and plans on celebrating in her “church”, Berghain, later this week.
“Most German people gave up on religion a long, long time ago,” revealed Mrs Merkel earlier today. “There’s something about having six million people killed, at the hands of a former regime, because of their religion that really turn the population a little icy towards the idea.”
“People who say they are going to church over here are generally talking about going clubbing,” confirmed Merkel. “In some cases people do still actually attend a real church but they’re mostly old people who’ll be dead soon anyway so we don’t really care about them.”
“Personally I’ll be celebrating in church this weekend,” claimed the Chancellor. “It’s no secret that most of us German politicians spend a lot of our free time in Berghain. Sure, we all wear gimp masks and leather body suits to stop our faces being splashed all over the world’s media but you can totally tell it’s us.”
Sources suggest that all of Germany’s churches, mosques, temples and other religious buildings will be converted into nightclubs, with all clergymen, from each respective religion, being offered free upskilling courses in areas such as DJing, promotion and event management.
