Uber Driver Slowly Coming To The Conclusion That He’s Basically A Glorified Drug Courier
A man who has recently signed up as an Uber driver is slowly coming to the conclusion that he is nothing more than a glorified drug courier.
Barry Stones, thirty-three, claims that driving an Uber is nothing like he expected and he is starting to think that he may have made a mistake when he signed up.
“I’m not really sure what I was expecting when I signed up but it definitely wasn’t this,” Stones told Wunderground earlier. “I suppose I had this kind of romantic idea in my head, where fate would pair me up with total strangers and I’d drive them off on some sort of crazy adventure. What the fuck was I thinking?”
“The reality isn’t quite as wholesome,” continued Mr Stones. “So far, all I’ve really been doing is picking people up who ‘just have to collect something’ and then bringing them back to where I got them. It’s crazy how many people have ‘loaned their mate a DVD’ or ‘just have to drop off a birthday card’. They must think I’m fucking thick mate, I know full well they’re picking up drugs.”
“The most adventurous thing I’ve done so far is sit in a dodgy council estate, that I’d never normally go into, for twenty minutes while waiting for some chav to come out and make his return journey,” scoffed the driver. “Then, when I finally got the cunt home, I had to rescue him from the depths of a ket hole to get him out of my car. If that’s an adventure I’m Indi-fuckin-ana Jones.”
“I’m starting to think this has been a major fucking mistake,” he admitted. “I should have just become a poxy drug dealer. I’d make a hell of a lot more than I am now and I wouldn’t have to kick back twenty-five percent to some fat cats in California who do nothing more than sit back and watch the money roll in.”
In related news, statistics have revealed that ninety-nine point nine percent of taxis worldwide contain traces of cocaine.