Nights out can be an extremely expensive way of having fun but if you’re prepared to be a little bit sneaky and a little underhanded there are plenty of ways you can shave off some of the expenses. Here’s Wunderground’s guide on how to be a stingy fucker on a night out, without anyone noticing.
Location is a very important factor when being a stingy fucker. You will need to put in a little preparation before making any decisions about where you’re going to go. Facebook is your friend here, trawl through all of your event invitations and sign up for as many cheaplists as you can, if there’s no cheaplist you’re not going, simple as! There could also be some chance of winning a place on the coveted guestlist, so like and share to your hearts content. It might also be a good idea to set up a couple of fake accounts so you can enter numerous time. The second important factor when deciding on location is drink promotions. There’s no point saving money on the door, if your going to be paying it back at the bar, so try to find the place with the cheapest drink. Drinks that cost under a fiver are the best in this case, for reason that will become apparent later in the guide.
Now that the location is sorted you need to ensure that you’re not going to arrive sober. This is a massive no no but you also don’t want to arrive too drunk or there could be issues getting in. You will need to buy a six pack of cheap lager or cider depending on your preference. The secret here is to only drink 3 cans in your house before you leave the other 3 are strategic cans that will be used later in the night.
So now that you have a little bit of a buzz on it’s time leave, with taxis being uber expensive a train or bus is the best way to travel. So stick one of the cans you have in your pocket and off you go. The bus can is a very important part of your journey into town, it keeps your buzz fresh and you won’t be dying for a drink by the time you get into town, the other two cans remain in your fridge.
Now that your in the club you will have to spend some money but there a couple of things you can do that will keep your outgoings to a minimum. If you’re a smoker be sure to buy a pouch of tobacco before you head out. Not only is it cheaper but it will last longer too and the real beauty of it is you can use the, ‘Can I have one of them to save the hassle of rolling this?’ line numerous times throughout the night. This ensuring yourself a nice fat pouch later on! Another way to save money and make yourself seem real sound is by offering to go the bar for people. Here’s where the drinks under a fiver come into play. Get the money from your mates, brave the queue and keep the change, returning only notes. If your getting a drink for €4, for every four you buy you’ll get one free. You can also offer to hold people’s drink while they dance, smoke or go to the toilet this will allow you to sip repeatedly from other people’s drink at a cost of absolutely nothing.
Once the club closes and your on the streets there are still plenty of ways a stingy fucker can save a few quid. Inviting people back to your house is a great way to save on taxi fare, but be sure to tell them that there is no drink and encourage everyone to pick up some wine or any other alcohol that may be available. You’re alright, you have your two cans chilling in your fridge and once they’re gone there will be plenty of sups to keep you hydrated until the off licence opens. Once the drink is sorted it’s time to take a taxi, with it being your house you get the first and fullest taxi. Do not sit in the front or you’ll be the person who has to hand the money over and you really don’t want this, a rear door seat is the ideal seat for you, allowing you to exit quickly. When you arrive give your friends the, ‘I have some money in the house’ line, they should have no problems covering your cost momentarily. When you go inside you need to keep busy for the first few minutes, sort out some music, get the glasses out, bring some seats in, go to the toilet, anything that will distract people long enough to forget about your taxi fare. Usually by the time more people arrive you will be safe.
If you’re still awake the following morning and the drink is running low you can also save some money by offering to do the offo run. You should encourage people to buy lots of drinks for two reasons. Firstly the bigger the list the easier it is to cover the cost of your own booze with other people’s change and secondly it’s your house so you will inherit anything left in your fridge when the party ends. If your party has made it this far it’s going to keep going for a while and at some stage there is bound to be talk of a bag of weed or whatever else floats your boat. This is a good time to get your head down for a few hours, get a little bit of sleep, not too much though, just enough to give everyone else a chance to collect the money, go and get whatever it is they’re buying and get back to your house. This is the perfect time to reemerge into the sitting room with highfives all round and a nice spliff completely free of charge.
So do you know any other ways you could save some money on a night out and get away with it? Let us know in our comment section below!
