Young Clubber Left Traumatised By Bullies After Taking Shit In Nightclub Toilet

A young London clubber has been left shaken and upset after being on the receiving end of a verbal assault in a busy nightclub toilet.

James Madden was enjoying a night of clubbing with friends in the busy nightclub when the incident happened. “I was dancing away with this girl I was trying it on with when I felt the unmistakable rumble in my gut,” explained James. “Normally I’d make sure to go before I left the house but as I knew I was meeting a girl and that sex could have been on the cards I didn’t want to go out half-cocked so I had a quick wank instead.”

Mr. Madden claimed that after waiting several minutes for an open cubicle he proceeded to void his bowels without any fear of recrimination. “Well it’s a toilet so I was using it to go to the toilet. It seems entirely natural,” explained Mr. Madden. “Almost instantly though I could hear a wave of comments from men outside that seemed to be in response to my taking a shit. They were saying hurtful things like ‘You smelly cunt’ and ‘Did your boyfriends dick crawl up your arse and die?'”

“I tried to pretend that those remarks weren’t aimed at me but at someone in the other cubicle,” said Mr. Madden. “But I knew deep down they were definitely talking about me because while my shit wasn’t exceptionally smelly – it had been quite noisy.”

One of Mr. Madden’s attackers, Bill Taylor, has said that James deserved the abuse that he received, “What does he think he’s doing taking a shit in a packed men’s room? Who uses a toilet for it’s designed purpose anyway,” he pondered. “Fucking weirdo.”

Mr. Taylor said he was unapologetic about his behaviour and warned that if someone is going to risk taking a “wet, noisy shit” in a busy toilet full of rowdy blokes then they should expect to face the consequences. “The way I see it is that if you do that then you’re asking for trouble. A nightclub toilet is a magical sexy place where you can shag women, snort coke or write some vaguely amusing graffiti,” asserted an angry Mr. Taylor. “It’s certainly not some hovel for random dudes to desecrate by spewing brown water out of a hole in the bottom of their backs.”

The nightclub in question claimed that it “does everything it can to both protect the privacy and safeguard the enjoyment of patrons using the bathroom facilities but that patrons who use the toilet to void their bowels in a way that is violently offensive to the ears and nostrils of others do so at their own risk of being called names and suffering mild embarrassment.”