Knife Party Gig Ends In Disaster After Multiple Stabbings

The Warehouse Project, Manchester, was the scene of a crazed knife attack last night during an appropriately named Knife Party show.

The Australian electro house duo, made up of Rob Swire and Gareth McGrillen, were hosting a private party ahead of their eagerly awaited ‘Haunted House’ event in the same venue tonight. The exclusive affair, organised to celebrate their recent ranking in the DJ Mag Top 100 poll, was full of superstars from the EDM world, with many of the other top 100 DJs also present.

Greater Manchester Police spokesman, DCI. Paul Tergeist, spoke of the events, “Shortly after midnight a masked man armed with a twelve inch knife entered the Trafford Wharf venue. Security were not alerted by his presence as the party was fancy dress and invitation only. We can confirm that our suspect was an invitation holder,” explained the policeman. “Upon entering the venue the suspect proceeded to inflict multiple stab wounds on a number of guests. The frenzied attack lasted approximately three minutes before security were able to subdue and disarm the suspect. So far there have been three reported deaths, with twelve other people hospitalised, four of whom are in a critical condition,” he somberly concluded.

Knife Party’s, Rob Swire, spoke of the terrifying scenes inside the party, “We were on stage playing when it happened. At first people started to cheer, I think they thought it was part of the show,” he explained. “People only started to realise it wasn’t a typically crass EDM stunt when Avicii had his hand chopped off after going in for a high five when we played Levels. There was blood everywhere,” he whimpered with tear streaked cheeks.

“We never wanted anything like this to happen,” added Mr. McGrillen. “We only called ourselves Knife Party because we thought our music wasn’t good enough to make us stand out from the crowd, it was just a gimmick, we don’t actually condone knives at parties,” he pleaded.

Police have named the suspect as German producer, Michael Mayer. A pre-recorded message was later posted on the Cologne native’s official Facebook page. “I always knew there was a reason my name was so similar to that of the serial killer from the Halloween movies, Michael Myers. I’ve fantasised about this moment for years. I never actually believed that this day would come but I now know that it is my destiny to avenge dance music and rid the world of EDM once and for all. People will always remember me as the cutting edge of music, they’ll probably even make a film about this and call it, Halloween 28: We Finally Ran Out Of Ideas.”

The video, which was later removed, showed Mayer (41) brandishing a knife with what appeared to be a large bomb strapped to his body. Police have confirmed the device failed to explode as it was made entirely from Frankfurters.

The deceased have been named locally as, Good Pills, The Validity Of The DJ Mag Poll and Steve Aoki’s Dignity.