Up and coming French EDM DJ, Faux Pas, was reportedly chased from the stage of an EDM event in California after he accidentally flipped off the audience while trying to perform the popular ‘heart hands’ gesture at the close of his set.
“I had never attempted the gesture before and was nervous about getting it exactly right,” explained Mr. Pas. “It’s one of those complicated, dexterity things that you have to master privately in front of a mirror like the ‘Westside’ gang sign or winking.”
Mr. Pas claimed he had always suffered with some slight spacial awareness issues and has found it hard to identify and mimic shapes since childhood. “It’s been a real problem for me,” bemoaned the DJ. “I couldn’t cross my fingers until I was 16 and although I’m a massive fan of Star Trek I’m still not able to do the famous Vulcan Salute, a fact which has caused me to miss out on impressing literally zero women.”
“Shadow puppetry is just out of bounds for me,” he continued. “There were so many childhood sleepovers when my friends were making shadow puppets with a torch, but I couldn’t keep up when they were making birds flying, or dogs barking. The most I could manage was waving one finger around and saying it was a snake but they just laughed at my heavy-handed attempts at moving my fingers in a mildly awkward way.”
DJ Faux Pas says that, while he was nervous to perform the complicated hand gesture, he felt that if he did it successfully then his career would skyrocket. “All of the big guys do it, do you think that’s a coincidence? They didn’t get to where they are by hard work and graft, they got there because of ‘heart hands’ and a sophisticated marketing strategy.”
After watching several instructional videos online Faux Pas managed to complete the gesture properly one time in fifty attempts following a string of mistakes in which he poked himself in the eye, made a gun gesture at a nun and lost a fingernail. “Once I did it one time I thought ‘screw it, I’m doing it and that’s that.'” Following a blinding set, which he ended with the Avicii smash shit, Levels, Faux Pas excitedly made the gesture to the appreciative crowd of morons.
“Things went sour really quickly,” recounted the contrite DJ. “I looked down at my hands and instead of performing ‘heart hands’ I was flipping off everyone in the audience. Not just with one hand either but with two. I was essentially telling each and everyone in the audience to fuck off. Twice.”
Following the unfortunate and socially awkward act, Faux Pas, quickly exited the stage at the behest of security whilst an embroiled EDM crowd ransacked the venue, hospitalising four audience members with cases ranging from “mild displeasure” to “righteous indignation”. DJ Faux Pas is now in protective custody under 24 hour police protection where he is expected to remain until “people calm down and realise it was a mistake.”
He is expected to pass the time in custody by trying to “master that visual trick you do for babies where you pretend to pull off a finger,” but so far has not been successful.
plur