In refreshing news for the music industry, it has been announced that all DJs are set to be banned from talking during radio shows and podcasts.
The news was announced after numerous people were “bored to death” while listening to a podcast where the DJ spent “almost half the time” talking about the tracks he had just played.
“DJs, by their very nature, have extremely boring voices, they probably won’t admit it but I’d guess that at least half of them started DJing to avoid having to talk to people in a nightclub setting because their voices were shit and they were socially awkward,” explained voice expert Pete Tong. “There are always exceptions to the rules, like myself, but most DJs could only ever dream about having a voice as silky smooth as mine.”
“The truth is nobody really wants to hear you talking unless you’ve got a voice that can likened to having sex with a god,” continued Tong, whose name was recently added to the official Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary. “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of an intro but once that needle lands you should really be keeping your mouth shut. If you want people to know what tracks you’re playing, write a playlist for fucks sake.”
“When people start to die of boredom because a DJ feels the need to talk about some mundane track that people are probably going to download illegally anyway, it’s time to draw the line,” confirmed Tong, President of the International DJs’ Guild. “So from now on all talking will be completely banned during podcasts and radio shows.”
“From January first, any DJs caught talking during shows or podcasts will face a number of harsh punishments,” revealed Tong. “Which will vary from a £300 fine, for a first time offence, right through to having to go back to back with Steve Aoki for up to four hours for repeat offenders.”
These rules will only apply to real DJs, talk show hosts and EDM DJ’s, who need to be able to tell the crowd which bit of the songs they should enjoy, will be exempt from disciplinary action.