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“All Publicity Is Good Publicity” Claims DJ Recently Placed On Sex Offenders’ Register

“All Publicity Is Good Publicity” Claims DJ Recently Placed On Sex Offenders’ Register

A 34-year-old London based DJ who has recently been placed on the Sex Offenders’ Register seems to be keeping high spirits after claiming that “all publicity is good publicity” in response to being put on the list which includes Rolf Harris, Max Clifford and probably any other men within a certain age bracket who worked at the BBC throughout the late 70s and 80s.

Pavel Jankovf, aka DJ Dirty, was placed on the Register of Sex Offenders after being caught in what has been described as a compromising “George Michaelesque situation” in a public bathroom after a drug-fueled night out in London in May of this year.

“I’m obviously not proud of being a registered sex offender,” explained Jankovf during a Skype interview with Wunderground this morning where he wore a somber outfit of two day old underwear with stained vest from the inviting surrounds of his bedroom/DJ studio/wank palace. “No one wants to grow up to be a sex offender, well actually I’m sure there probably are some people who do but I didn’t, it was just a big mistake. Ketamine’s a very powerful drug.”

“I’m just trying to make my way in this world and the way I see it all publicity is good publicity,” claimed Jankovf while sipping a cup of coffee that in his opinion was clearly half full. “I’m sure the people who were doing their shopping in Asda that day probably don’t see the positives of me standing bollock naked with an erection in the toilets, but I’m an optimist and I always try to find the silver lining.”

“I’ve made a list, granted it’s not the ideal list like DJ Mag Top 100 or the Tomorrowland lineup, but it’s still a step forward,” continued Jankovf. “I have a feeling it could be really good for my career. Most of the biggest DJs in the world, like Calvin Harris, while not a wanker in an official capacity like myself, is still a wanker yet very successful.”

Mr. Jankovf, who lives with the slowly rotting corpse of his elderly mother and a black cat named Clawed, claims that he will try to utilise the publicity generated from being placed on the Sex Offenders’ Register to promote his imaginatively titled upcoming album, I Wank In Toilets. 

“I’m just glad to be getting my name out there any way I can,” claimed Jankov. “I’m really hoping to get some good solid work out of this, although I’ve had to avoid booking underage discos for the next five years and was forced to change from EDM to techno because there’s no way I would have been able to market the album or perform live to EDM’s audience of neon-clad teeny boppers without facing prison and chemical castration.”

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