“Tech House is fucking WANK!” Christopher Columbus told Wunderground earlier today.
“I’ve been dead hundreds of years, and nothing – NOTHING – has ever made me feel as dead inside as some as the shite the kids are playing these days.”
“And you would think nobody cared!?“
“Trump did nothing. Johnston hasn’t mentioned it. Teresa May before him… she never said a word. Not a peep out of China.”
“It’s a fucking plague for god sake!”
“I’m the guy that literally introduced measles to the Indians. And that was only one of around THIRTY killer infections I introduced to America. My first stop to the Americas in 1492… I brought a disease that wiped out 236,000 natives. That was nearly 95% of the population!”
“And I’m the same fella telling you that Tech House is a DISEASE that must be stopped at all costs!”
“I couldn’t lie in that grave anymore listening to absolute shitebag teenagers blast that nonsense overhead. I’m back from the dead, and I’ve brought some good tech house with me.”
“I’m not gonna make any cheesy ghost producer jokes, but… yeah, it was a ghost that produced it.”
“What do you mean that’s not tech house?”
“What do you mean it’s deep-tech Polynesian tribal?”
“Sod it. Stick me back in the ground. Dig me up when proper Trance makes a comeback.”
“Fucking love me a big vocal breakdown I do!”
