Pacha To Dismantle Marco Carola For Parts

Pacha have announced they will be scrapping Marco Carola before the upcoming season and will instead dismantle him for parts. 

The Italian Music On head-honcho has become ‘too expensive to maintain‘ claim sources inside the club. 

‘He’s a great DJ, don’t get me wrong’ claimed our source, a booker inside the club who wishes to remain anonymous.

‘He has given the island many great years of music. But he’s getting old now, and he has a lot of DJ hours on the clock.’

‘He is costing us around €250K a week to operate during the summer months, and the only people drinking in the whole club are the wannabe models and the hangers-on in the DJ booth, and that’s on our tab. So we’re losing a fortune on him.’

‘If we break him down for parts and sell him on the open market, that’s a much more realistic proposal.”

‘You’ve loads of aging bald male acts in the scene who are falling to bits and need parts. Sven Vath, he’s fucked. Bodzin spends his days banging his head off that mixer, he’s surely due a few replacements soon. And Moby is a bloody vegan, he’ll be peeling off the bone any day now.’

‘They all have money, and they all dress is plain black tee’s and silly trousers the same as Marco, so we don’t even undress him… 

‘Just pull him apart, let the parts detox and then stick them on eBay.’

‘That one move alone brings the whole company back into profit. It just makes sense.”