Daft Punk have issued a statement via email today to confirm suspicions that have been dogging them for over a year and with this announcement Wunderground can exclusively reveal that French EDM androids are in fact two of the famous Kraftwerk robots who embarked on a secret solo mission sometime in the early 1990’s.
Ralf Hütter and Florian Schneider had been unhappy in the band for some time, and had decided to craft the robots to play the gigs that they couldn’t be bothered playing. However, when the robots became sentient in the 90’s, the robots themselves decided to embark on a solo venture.
The split was abruptly stopped by the human members and the remaining robot members of Kraftwerk, who informed the newly sentient robots that they needed them for an upcoming concept album about saddle rash (the still unreleased “Tour De France: Die Aftermath”).
Suspicions began in the late 90’s when Kraftwerk cancelled a gig in Die Autobahndit, a power plant which was converted into a nightclub just for the occasion. The rumours took flight due to Daft Punk’s slot at Even Further in Wisconson the very same evening, and many commentators began to speculate that they had never seen Daft Punk and the Kraftwerk robots in the same place at the same time.
The suspicions were confirmed today when Daft Punk wrote, “We feel the time has come to inform our fans that we are, in fact, two of the Kraftwerk robots in disguise. We plan to continue as Daft Punk, and are officially offering our resignation as members of Kraftwerk.”
The remaining robotic members of the German electronic pioneers have challenged the pair to a duel on the profoundly idiotic television show Robot Wars, where the robots will battle to the death for the chance to be the supreme EDM Androids.
Supposedly both acts’ management teams are attempting to proffer a semi-state solution, whereby they would form one super-group, provisionally being referred to as “Daftwerk”.
However, this has been vetoed by the human members of Kraftwerk who feel that, since they will be mere puny humans and will not have robot members in the group, they will have to re-release some older singles due to the change. These singles will include, “We Are Not The Robots”, “The Non-Machine”, “Mantenna” and “Ralf und Florian Ride Again”.