An English DJ who traveled to Ireland to attend a “Native Instruments Convention” was left disappointed after being faced with nothing but traditional Irish musical instruments, including the tin whistle.
Daniel Lyons, a.k.a. DJ Dan de Lyon, made the six hundred mile round trip from London to Dublin only to find he had misinterpreted the nature of the event he was attending.
“What the fuck was that all about?” Lyons asked with a quizzical smile on his face. “I was expecting a room full of like minded DJs and some of the best digital DJing equipment on the market but all I got was about fifteen farmers and thirty lads mitching of school, a total fucking disaster is what it was.”
“I tried to get into it, but I just get a really awkward and cringey feeling from music that isn’t electronic,” he continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the skill involved in playing the tin whistle, a set of pipes or a fiddle, but when the guy playing it is more interested in how many ‘heads of cattle’ I’ve got or whether or not my ancestors ‘took his land’ it all goes out the window. I grew up on a council estate in Greenwhich for fuck sake, the only land my ancestors took was an allotment fifteen minutes walk from the flat.”
“There was a drum that was pretty good though, you play it with a little batton, I think it’s called a Bow Ron or something like that,” explained Lyons. “I tried to ask the geezer playing it a couple of questions about it but I couldn’t understand a fucking word he was saying so I just called it a day went back to my hotel and drank ten pints of Guinness. When in Rome and all that.”
According to reports, Mr Lyons cancelled plans to travel to rural Ireland the following day for a “Tractor Show” after realising that it would be more Massey Ferguson than Kontrol S8, choosing to stay and sample some of Dublin’s famous craic instead, which also turned out to be a “bit of a disappointment”.