A recent study carried out by the International Society of Name Calling (ISONC), has revealed that every single person on earth has been referred to as “this one” at some point during 2016.
In what is singlehandedly the most dramatic update in name calling history, “this one” has replaced “bae” and “babe” at the top of the name calling pop-charts, with more traditional names such as “bestie”, “bff”, “love” and “darling” dropping down to the bottom of the pile.
“These results don’t shock me at all,” said nineteen year old Patricia Fernandez, who moments ago uploaded a photo of herself and her best friend to Instagram, with the caption “great day out with this one” accompanied by a heart emoji.
“I’ve been doing it for a long time now because it makes the person, pet or object I am referring to in the photo feel that extra bit special, you know? Whether it be a picture of my eighty seven year old nan, my boyfriend, a fuck off tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food, or a dead squirrel I found in the park, it still gets that ever so endearing name chucked at it.”
Wunderground spoke with seventeen year old Tanya Hyde about her use of the term, “It can definitely get messy, that’s for sure,” she told us. “Last week I was out with the girls and uploaded a group photo where we were all doing that knees bent, arm on hip, slight head tilt pose and the caption I put with it was ‘great night with this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one and this one’. I guess I could have put ‘these ones’ but I didn’t want to offend any of them by grouping them all together like cattle.”
“I think the fact they all got their very own ‘this one’, shows how much I love them all,” continued Tanya, who also hashtagged #MyGirls and #SquadGoals.