Fabric To Move To Berlin Where People Getting In Isn’t That Important


AT65PT Exterior view of Fabric Nightclub in Smithfields London England UK KATHY DEWITT. Image shot 11/2007. Exact date unknown.

Heinz Muller, spokesperson for nightlife and culture in Germany, has weighed into the debate surrounding London nightclub, Fabric, by claiming a move to Berlin and not allowing any ravers through it’s doors would ensure a safe and prosperous future.

Although the suggestion seems to have angered many Londoners, there are arguments to back up Muller’s claims that Fabric will “not only survive but excel” in Berlin, considering the extremely strong techno scene in the German party capital.

“Look at how well Berghain and Watergate do?” said Muller. “These clubs are like temples, they will never be messed with by authorities and will be there long after we are all gone. How many people can you name that have been inside? None. They survive purely on rumours and hearsay. People assume they are unreal and constantly talk about them, meaning they earn revenue from crowd funding schemes and advertising. They do not need money from ticket sales or bar tabs.”

Wunderground spoke with Jimmy Jones, the man spearheading the fight to save Fabric, “It isn’t a bad shout to be fair,” admitted Jimmy. “We know a decent area we could move Fabric to, right in the heart of Berlin. Apparently we don’t need any staff inside the club – just a few moody bouncers outside letting people queue up for hours, before telling them to go away.”

“We received a highly detailed business proposition from the Berlin council last week,” continued Jimmy. “It outlined the fact that if we reject everybody at the door, three nights a week for six months, our reputation will go through the roof. Ravers will come from all over the world, under the assumption that what happens inside the club is more than just a DJ playing music. We will become so exclusive, that money will literally be handed to us for no reason. With money comes safety. The German police have agreed to turn a blind eye, meaning Fabric will be safe for the foreseeable future. You’ve got to admit it is a tempting opportunity to save the club we all love.”

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Fabric To Move To Berlin Where People Getting In Isn’t That Important

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