An unborn fetus who is expected to eventually grow into a DJ is apparently refusing to be born until the midwife signs off on artwork to announce its birth.
The future DJ, gender unknown, is believed to be taking a hard stance with the midwife, causing some significant discomfort for its mother.
“That DJ is being a real diva,” a maternity ward porter told Wunderground earlier. “Honestly, the mother’s been in labour for almost two days now, she’s on her third epidural, while the DJs swaning around in the backstage area doing fuck all, we’ve got a very inpatient crowd gathering out here. If it doesn’t come out soon, this birth is going to go down as a total disaster.”
The unnamed baby’s father, Alan, believes that he may have had a role to play in the babies stubbornness, he spoke to Wunderground.
“It’s probably my fault,” he told us. “I’ve been playing it tunes since the first trimester, I reckon its heard more house and techno than most label A&R managers by now. I thought it would be cool having a DJ for a child. I was expecting a cool little Fisher or something like that, you know fun and easy-going, but it looks like we’re getting a bit of a Nastia instead. What have I done?”
“Hopefully, we’ll be able to coax it out with a bit of artwork soon enough,” continued the tired-looking father. “Either that, or we’ll start charging it for its amniotic fluid, there’s nothing like making a DJ pay for its own drinks to get them out of a venue.”
According to reports, the unborn future DJ has given the midwife a deadline of five o’clock this evening to sign off on artwork, at which point it will dig its feet in and stay in the womb for the foreseeable future as well as publically lambasting the hospital for the delayed birth on Twitter.
This groundbreaking piece of journalism is brought to you by How To Promote Good – Wunderground’s new comedy series & clubnight @ Hï Ibiza