News has hit Wunderground HQ that a man has spent more than 5 hours trying to get his key into his k-bag, without any success.
26-year-old Josh Smith, who proudly smuggled the world’s tiniest bag of illegal substances past venue security on Saturday night is said to be “distraught” that he not only missed an entire set from his favourite DJ, but also failed to have any fun whatsoever, whilst he remained focussed on the task in hand.
“He was fuckin’ dedicated, I’ll give him that” said an onlooker.
“Everybody knows those bags are ridiculous and far too small to open. Fingers don’t work and keys end up ripping the thing completely open which is even worse.
“Even in the daylight when you are of sound mind, you can’t get into them, so why did that lad expect to manoeuvre his key in such a way that he got it into the bag whilst clearly off his nut in a dark room?
“It was like watching a child with a Rubik’s Cube. He was there from midnight until 5am, focussed, determined, keen, but ultimately failing and going home with a very sad look on his face.”
It wasn’t all bad news for Josh though, as the DJ whose set he missed, today sent him a congratulatory certificate for dedication to the scene, a note confirming that it is ravers like Josh who make the world go round, and guestlist to his next set.
The only stipulation being that he puts his naughty bits into a bigger bag and pops into the DJ booth to ‘say hello’ next time.