Reports emerging from the Mediterranean this morning suggest that a large group of expat snobs living in Ibiza now consider “San Antonio” a dirty word.
According to Wunderground sources, the group of snobs, spearheaded by Pete Tong, have now banned their children from saying “San Antonio” and have started a petition to have all local schools remove the town from their maps.
“San Antonio used to be a haven for young English lads, like me and Oakie (Paul Oakenfold), to go and get drunk on cheap beer, stay up all night partying and shag girls,” claimed Mr Tong earlier. “Then, in the early 90s, after we had made so much effort to tell everyone back home how great it was, things started to change, now it’s little more than a trashy holiday resort.”
“I’m in Ibiza a lot, sometimes I have my family with me and I certainly wouldn’t want any of my children using the words ‘San Antonio’,” confirmed the Radio One presenter. “That’s why I’ve started the Concerned Parents Against San Antonio campaign. Eventually, we’d like to have the words ‘San’ and ‘Antonio’ completely erased from the Spanish language, have the town annexed from Ibiza and maybe even have it removed and stuck onto the side of Magaluf.”
San Antonio based expat Ian Dillon, claims that Tong and his concerned parents group are little more than a group of “stuck up cunts” who need to have the “broomstick handle removed from their arses”.
“What’s their fucking problem? There’s nothing wrong with San Antonio,” said Dillon defiantly. “It’s a lovely town and if anyone says any different I’ll meet them down the West End at five o’clock in the morning and fight them.”
Local sources in San Antonio suggest that initial requests from the Concerned Parents Against San Antonio group have been blocked by local authorities after a number of “brown envelopes” were circulated a local council meeting.