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Job Site Now Has ‘More DJs Than Beatport’

Job Site Now Has ‘More DJs Than Beatport’

electronic music job site is now the most-visited website for dance music professionals around the world, according to a herd of boring pollsters hidden in a basement somewhere.

“It’s been a rapid rise to the top for” said the first geek we spoke to. Sat on a Star Wars throne at the top of the basement office, dressed in a tatty Guns & Roses t-shirt and wearing 16 pairs of broken specs held together with sellotape, we assume he was the pollster’s leader.

“Usually a platform that’s not really associated with dance music, some forty million music producers, DJs, label owners, and event promoters signed up to the site in 2020. That number has continued to rise rapidly in 2021.”

“It’s the only reliable way for music professionals to make a living at the moment, albeit as Deliveroo or Amazon drivers.”

“Some of the most popular skills we’re seeing listed by this new wave of job applicants include beat-matching, pressing effects buttons liberally whilst drunk, moaning in airports, and apologising on social media.”

“However if they have a clean driving license or a bike, they’re usually skilled enough for the jobs they end up applying for.”

“In the absence of either of those, if you know how to take a tin of beans out of a box and put it on a shelf, and you can do that over and over again without fucking up too much – you’ll be alright.” are reported to be delighted with this latest accolade and just this morning have changed their tagline to ‘More DJs Than Beatport’.

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