Covid-19 made from the jump from bats to humans using the popular kid’s entertainer Marshello as the catalyst, scientists from the World Health Organisation have today claimed.
“We always knew the virus didn’t transfer directly from bats to humans, and part of our research mission to Wuhan last month was to try and understand what the intermediary host was. Once we know that, we can try and stop it happening again.”
“We carried out a month of research, testing, and lab work, followed by extensive DNA tracking – and it was Marshmello. 100%. No doubt in my mind.”
“We didn’t actually find any evidence, but we can put two and two together – we’re scientists. Here you have a man with a history of spreading harmful and infectious diseases rapidly around the world – his last album stands testament to that.”
“And think about it, he’s been wearing a hazmat suit and a mask since 2013… and he fucks bats.”
“We’re convinced it’s him. Locals in the area report seeing a tall white guy in a pair of Nikes wandering the area sometime around Christmas 2019.”
“He fits the description – we’re bringing him in.”
“Well… we’re scientists. We can’t actually ‘bring him in’… but I always wanted to say that.”