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Marshmello Hopes His New Fleshlight Will Reconnect Him With Fans

Marshmello Hopes His New Fleshlight Will Reconnect Him With Fans

Rick Astley, the artist behind the famous Marshmello character has said “Lockdown has been a strange time for everybody. In the EDM industry, we’ve all had to find new ways to create income and re-connect with fans.”

“Some acts have been live-streaming or playing at virtual festivals, others have attempted socially-distant festivals. But I wanted to really re-create that connection with my fans, so I’ve decided to let them fuck my face from the comfort of their own home.”

“Music is all about love. And love is all about intimacy. And intimacy is all about cumming inside something, in this case, a rubber hand-held vagina in the shape of my face.”

“Sure it’s an unusual marketing tactic, but revenues are down and dicks are up – so it makes perfect sense.”

“I mean, Marshmello is a character, he doesn’t really exist” says Rick.

“So it’s not like you’re actually fucking my face or anything. That’s would be much more expensive, and we’ve tried many times to replicate my shrunken-down face in rubber but I’m just too pretty to clone, and we can never get my mouth to open wide enough to take a full-sized dick without me pulling a weird face.”

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“I could sing ‘I’m never gonna give it up’ but I actually have given up on that one, so this is one rare instance that song hasn’t served me so well.”

“But I’m thrilled with the Marshmello version. I took it for a test spin last night, which felt kinda like fucking my own face which should be weird, but I mean… I came so it can’t have felt that strange, right?”

The Marshmello fleshlight is available in all good sex shops now, priced at $1.2 Million.

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