Man Who Plays Candy Crush Presumed Gay


A man who constantly sends invites to play Candy Crush on Facebook has been presumed gay by a small group of his friends.

Nigel Pearce, a nineteen year old student from Gloucestershire, England, has been playing Candy Crush for approximately the last six months, much to the despair of some of his childhood friends.

Wunderground spoke to Steven Martin, a schoolmate of Mr Pearce, “I don’t really hear much from Nigel these days, ever since he went down to that London for college the only thing I ever see of him is stupid notifications for that Candy Crush game on Facebook, it’s weird because I thought he had a girlfriend down there.”

“I’ve been chatting about it with Eggy and Tommo, the four of us were dead close in school, and we’ve decided that he must be a bit gay if he’s playing Candy Crush,” continued Mr Martin. “I’ve obviously never played it, because I’ve shagged more than six birds, but you can tell by the name of it that it’s a bit poofy.”

“I’m really surprised that Nigel’s been playing it because he was always talking about birds and bringing porno mags into school,” explained Martin, a butcher’s assistant. “I guess that’s what moving to that London and going to college will do to a young man, he should have stayed here and got a job like the rest of us.”

According to Mr Pearce, college is “fucking awesome” and he is having the time of his life in London.

“I’m loving it up here. College life is amazing, I’ve not been to too many lectures but I’ve been doing a lot of really great socialising,” explained Pearce. “I’ve been to Fabric, Egg, Ministry of Sound, all the big clubs and I’ve been pulling so many birds I’m practically an aviary. The only problem is I spend my grant so quickly. If I’m not in a club I’ll just be sitting at home playing Candy Crush on Facebook. It’s free and dead addictive, a bit like the first bump of coke my dealer gave me.”

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Man Who Plays Candy Crush Presumed Gay

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