MIT Study Shows That Ketamine Warps Space-time

A study released by MIT today which analysed the effects of ketamine on the human brain has concluded that the popular horse anaesthetic “bends space-time” and “could make time travel possible”.

The research, which suggests that it is ketamine in the brain acts on the gravitational waves surrounding the user causing space and time to bend, is being hailed as a game changing breakthrough in modern physics.

“Ketamine’s dissociative properties were always believed to be a result of complex pharmacology,” claimed the study, “but if correct this new research will prove that the effects of the drug are even more profound than previously thought and laden with far reaching potential.”

“Users of the drug have often expressed a sensation that they passed through time, or experienced multi-dimensional travel,” continued the report, endorsed by celebrity physicist, Neil De Grasse-Tyson, pictured here under the effects of the drug. “This research suggests that those effects are a result of ketamine bending space-time itself to such an extent that interdimensional travel is experienced.”

“When a user is in a k-hole, the things they see and experience, such as multi-dimensional perception and an altered sense of time, aren’t just hallucinations happening in the brain but actual real manipulations of the fabric of space-time.”

The ramifications of these findings are enormous claims the study which suggests that “ketamine powered time machines” might not just be the thing of drug fueled fantastical imaginings and that research funding is being earmarked for extensive research into ketamine’s potential applications to proving some of theoretical physics longstanding idea like String Theory and the possibility of a multi-verse.

“In ten to fifteen years,” concluded the report, “we might be able to harness the space bending property of ketamine and use it to travel back in time or to enormously far flung regions of the galaxy at beyond light speed, while tripping the absolute balls of ourselves.”