New findings from NASA provide the strongest evidence yet that liquid water similar to that from our own planet flows intermittently on Danny Tenaglia’s head.
Luke Piewalker of NASA said today that the research was commissioned to investigate a portfolio of miniature planets relatively close to earth that may hold the correct environments to foster life and that “Danny was the obvious first choice for a study such as this.”
“Let’s put aside the fact that he has a sizable moon shaped rock sitting on his shoulders for just a second and look at some of his other traits.”
“His close proximity to earth is obviously a massive plus. Rather than spending millions trying to get a shuttle into orbit, we just sent the shuttle round to his house equipped with a test tube, a funnel and a power drill with the hope of successfully mining liquids from his scalp.”
“We supplied the astronauts with a few bags of chips and 2 litres of Coke for sustenance and we were able to get the mission on its way in a much quicker and cost-effective way than we usually would.”
“We outsourced both the outward and return shuttle missions to Uber, a contractor we hadn’t been able to use in the past, which was great. But unfortunately, as we approached Tenaglia’s house the 2-mile magnetic field that radiates around his head threw the GPS out of whack and we were forced to emergency land on Moby instead, which was an absolute nightmare.”
“Aside from his proximity to earth, another of Danny’s suitable traits for exploration are the suggested reports of his salty surface. Eric Morillo, in an interview with Mixmag back in 1996, claimed that he had got so excited in the booth mid-set that he turned around to a heavily-sweating Danny Tenaglia, grabbed him by the ears and licked his head from front to back and ear-to-ear as a celebration of music.”
“It was salty as fuck.” said Morillo. “And absolutely gushing with sweat.”
Follow-up missions are planned in 2018 to explore the surfaces of Marco Carola and Alan Fitzpatrick.