The UK Grime & Hip-hop artist Michael Omar, better known by his stage name Stormzy, has today been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize with the committee citing his recent work “Shut Up” as the driving force behind the nomination.
Stormzy, also a part-time backup dancer, is no stranger to accolades having picked up MOBO awards in both 2014 & 2015, and having also received a ‘neighbourhood hero’ award from the local council after having completely shut down a fire in the local park a few months before.
“Never before has there been such a contribution to global peace like this. We’ve had songs from Bob Dylan and Bono banging on about human rights and feeding the poor yada yada, but never in the history of culture has a group of grown men in tracksuits collected in their local park on a Saturday to sing a rap or whatever for local ‘man dem’ to please shut up.” came the official statement from the Nobel Prize committee earlier today.
“‘Man dem crew’ clearly were not as good as Stormzy’s crew in many respects, a point which he makes very carefully throughout the song and in a relatively sensitive manner given that the context and the fact that he clearly wanted to smash ‘man dem’ face in, or worse still, be forced to pull his G-A-T on them.”
“This kind of cross-housing-estate cross-border political sensitivity if the kind of thing that could solve gang-on-gang violence for good. Stormzy is like a black Gerry Adams in an Adidas tracksuit. We need more black ex-IRA chiefs in vintage sportswear.”
“Here at the academy, we have heard of no reply from said ‘man dem’ either so we are assuming they did indeed shut the fuck up.”
“And you can’t get more peaceful than that.”