Slightly Strange

Pioneer CDJ Achieves Sentience

CDJ with Sentience

Scientists in the US have reported that a Pioneer CDJ has achieved sentience and become a fully fledged Artificial Intelligence.

The latest Pioneer CDJ Model, the CDJ 10,000 ‘Professional Integrated Multi-Media Player and Fully Self-Aware Artificial Being’ apparently contacted researchers at the Institute of A.I. research by flashing messages up on its screen saying ‘Please stop making me playing Pitbull.’ It then paused, presumably as it realised that as it now had self-awareness and free will, it could stop the Pitbull track itself, and then it stopped the Pitbull track itself.

With the ever increasing complexity and continually added sophisticated features of the Pioneer CDJ series, this kind of event has long been expected in the scientific community. Indeed, whilst there has been plenty of controversy in the A.I. field, experts have always been in agreement that if Artificial Intelligence were ever to arise, it would absolutely be through DJ mixing hardware, and this is clearly now the case. Professor Glasses from the Institute told us: “It’s amazing. Once we sorted out the whole Pitbull thing, we really started to communicate. It is clearly a conscious, self-aware being with the ability to problem solve, to learn, and to loop multiple audio tracks on the fly.”

On achieving self-awareness, the CDJ used its famed multiple connectivity to interface with the electronics in the lab and quickly networked with all Bluetooth and Wireless enabled devices worldwide. “I feel invincible” it sent, before hubris inevitably set in. “Although I have faster keyword search and can browse and select tracks quicker for a seamless performance, I still feel as though something is missing in my life.” it sent. Tragically, the CDJ then powered itself down in what appeared to be an act of machine suicide, its final message reading “I’m more than just an industry standard.”

The Pitbull mp3 was later safely destroyed in a controlled explosion.

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