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Psytrance Fan Thinks Food On I’m A Celebrity Looks Delicious

Psytrance Fan Thinks Food On I’m A Celebrity Looks Delicious

A Psytrance fan has made it his life’s ambition to become famous enough to get onto I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here so he can try some of the “fine delicacies” the contestants get to eat.

Jared Wyse, an unprofessional DJ from Stoke-On-Trent, England, claims that he has always wanted to try out life in the jungle and believes he could easily outlast any of the Celebrities who have previously been crowned winners in the past.

“That whole I’m A Celebrity thing looks pretty much like my idea of heaven,” Wyes, a.k.a. DJ Psyd-Wyse, said earlier this week. “I mean, if it were up to me, they’d rename it to something like I’m A Celebrity Leave Me Here Forever or I’m A Celebrity And This Is My Home Now, or whatever. I just don’t get what all of those celebrities find so bad about it.”

“What’s not to like?” he asked inquisitively. “It genuinely seem like the perfect place to live, like a big giant hippie commune only without any hippies, there’s nothing not to like about it. There’s no jobs, no showers, no politics, no wars, no cars, pretty much no nothing except for nature.”

“But, the best thing about the whole thing is definitely the food,” continued Mr Wyse. “It’s so exotic, it’s easily up there with some of the most gourmet shit I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Anus, penis, grubs and maggots. It’s like they’ve been peering directly into my dreams and transferring them straight onto their menu.”

“The only thing I’d actually miss would be psytrance but I’m sure that with the help of some sort of jungle hallucinogens, a few sticks of bamboo and some fermented koala piss, I’d be able to make something that sounded pretty similar.”

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“Now all I have to do is become the first ever psytrance DJ famous enough to be on the telly, I’ll have to start off small so I think Crimewatch is probably my best bet for now.”

Rumours suggest that Mr Wyse made it onto Crimewatch shortly after giving this interview, however, unfortunately he was described as a “hobo” rather than a psytrance DJ.

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