Real News: Steve Aoki To Sue Wunderground – Issues Cease & Desist


Please note: All of the written articles on Wunderground are satirical and fictitious, as all you lovely readers know only too well by now. However we have tagged this one as FACT as this is 100% real.

We have received a cease & desist letter from Steve Aoki’s hot shot Beverly Hills legal team threatening to sue us for lots of various things, all explained in the boring cease & desist letter which you can read here. It sure was printed on lovely paper though!

Basically, Steve isn’t too keen on Wunderground because we like to poke fun at him every now and again. To be fair, we poke fun at pretty much every electronic music act, including everybody from Tale of Us to David Morales, from Disclosure to Maya Jane Coles. We’re an Electronic Music comedy site, it’s kinda what we do.

And so when we ran a recent 30 day crowd funding experiment offering our readers comedy electronic music t-shirts, sweatshirts and bags we included a Steve Aoki parody tee as a possible reward. We even did a digital mock-up, which you can see below. We used Steve’s head in the mock-up but unfortunately never got to put the tee into production, so the poor tee never got to be born. Dixon will be really upset, he looks great in it I think everybody will agree.

steve aoki sue wunderground

Steve doesn’t see the funny side though, and he has sent his attorney to beat us up. Apparently he is going to be waiting for us after school tomorrow, and it’s not going to be pretty!

So before we continue, we have a disclaimer for everybody working in the media, comedy and fashion scenes. From this day forth, you must not poke fun at celebrities and you must never put a celebrity on a t-shirt. If you do, that celebrity will never eat again. You’ll literally ruin their career. They will starve to death most probably within hours.

If this tee had actually gone into production and somebody had the nerve to slip their pretty little torso into it, we’re pretty certain Steve Aoki would be on the streets within days. And so we’re glad his attorney sent us his nice cease & desist letter. We just saved Steve Aoki’s career, if not his life!

A few minutes before publishing this post, I replied to Steve’s Attorney in our usual Wunderground manner. You can view a copy of the actual letter here, but because we love you here at Wunderground, we have pasted the letter in full below.

We’ll update you on this one as it unfolds…

Enjoy!

Mikey Maguire – Wunderground CEO

 

[divider]Wunderground Response To Steve Aoki’s Legal Team[/divider]

 

Dear Leslie E. Frank, Esq.

Firstly, let me apologise for my delay in replying. Since I first read your letter a few weeks ago I have been flat on my back in hysterics of laughter, rolling around the office floor uncontrollably both day and night. It has left me completely unable to do anything else and I have been out of action ever since. It’s actually been a massive burden on my life this last month, and I’ve lost relationships over it as I’ve missed weddings, christenings…even the birth of my own child, who I haven’t met yet due to this prolonged laughter fit.

My mother came into the office one day last week and tried to spoon feed me some soup as I hadn’t eaten in weeks, but I just kept rolling over and back, giggling to myself, eyes red raw from tears while dribbling the food back down my cheeks and all over the carpet. It was very hard for her to see. I think she is worrying for my mental health ever since.

My favourite bit was the part where you accused us of damaging Steve Aoki’s reputation via Wunderground. That was hilarious, and I commend you on your GSOH. Should you ever try internet dating, you definitely should add that to the list of positive traits you display. You have one seriously GSOH!

Firstly, and I can’t believe I’m having to point this out to yet another hot shot celebrity DJ lawyer, but wait for it… wait for it…

Wunderground’s articles are not factual!

No really, we’re a satirical comedy website. I’m sure everybody in your office is much too busy reading the Wall Street Journal, chasing online comedians with cease & desist letters and eating Cronuts (and who could blame you all? They are little balls of heaven) to know what Wunderground is, so I’ll get your client to fill you in.

Go to his homepage and right under his picture click on the huge blue banner he paid somebody to design on the homepage that says…

“LOL! did you get fooled by the fake “story” on Wunderground.ie”

You can’t really miss it, it’s pretty much the first thing on the page bar Steve’s face and the actual menu. Steve can show you where it is if you can’t find it. If he is too busy blowing up rafts or learning how to ride a unicycle to take your call, the screenshot below gives you directions…

Steve Aoki Banner Wunderground

When you click it, you’ll see a post Steve wrote to his fans assuring them of our parody status. We prefer to be called satire, but hey, we won’t sue him over it. Aside from reassuring his fans that he is actually a DJ, Steve makes sure to point out that we’re a parody site. He actually quotes us in our last letter to David Guetta’s lawyer (Yes, I have been seeing other EDM lawyers, we never said we were going to be exclusive. By the way, Calvin Harris’s lawyer, if you are reading this, call me!)

And so to explain my point I’m going to quote Steve quoting me. It’s kind of like Inception, but with a bigger actor and more cake.

“Wunderground is a satirical dance music website that never deals in actual factual statements or events, but instead pokes fun at the dance music community through the medium of comedy.”

Again, if you need to re-read that quote, go to your client’s homepage. Big blue banner.

Now, if it’s my own personal opinion you are after, there is somebody running around the electronic music scene, talking online and doing things in public to harm your client’s reputation. I’m happy to give you that person’s name if you like?

He is called Steve Aoki.

I joke! I joke. Lift your jaw up off the floor. I have a GSOH too, you see? You’re not the only one around here with the jokes 😉

Right, so let’s get down to business. Let’s start with the T-Shirt in question. It was funny, wasn’t it? Only, it never actually existed, to the dismay of many I’m sure. Your letter refers many times to the “infringing tee”. Unfortunately, there is no “infringing tee”. There never was. The image you refer to is simply a digital mock-up. In fact, all of the Wunderground Apparel range on the indiegogo campaign you refer to were simply digital mock-ups.

As I’m sure you are aware, crowd-funding campaigns serve to raise money towards a project that usually does not exist yet, as was the case with this project. If Steve intended on suing us over this, I’m sure he purchased one of the “infringing tees” in question, and so is only too aware he has not received it yet. Sorry Steve.

Any t-shirts that were due to go into production have been on hold since we received your letter. The “infringing tee” which you refer to was only ever an idea, one that never went into production and now, won’t ever go into production. So let me ask you a question.

How can you sue me for selling a t-shirt that never existed?

It’s kind of like that whole “If a tree falls in the woods” thing. If a t-shirt doesn’t ever exist in the woods, can you sue me for selling it?

KETAMINE K HOLE

As I’m sure you are also aware, people who wanted this T-shirt did so by investing into the crowdfund, and then got to choose which t-shirt they received as a reward. Only 11 people in total requested this t-shirt as a possible reward, if it ever did go into production. Which it didn’t.

Just 11 people across the globe said yes to this. I’ve been in a toilet cubicle with more people than that!

I’ll use an analogy here, maybe one Steve can understand. If I own a cake shop, and had that cake shop open for a full month, 24 hours a day and seven days a week (in a similar fashion to the way the indiegogo project ran online) and at the end of that month I’ve only sold 11 of a certain type of cake… well, you couldn’t beg me to stock that cake ever again. It’s a non-seller, a complete dud.

And so it is with complete agreement I can bow down to your first demand. We won’t ever offer that Steve Aoki tee for sale. EVER. You really didn’t need to write to us and ask us, really. You could have saved yourself a stamp and three lovely pages of that nice paper you use, which I must advise you has been cut into lovely squares 4.5 inches by 4.5 inches and stacked in our upstairs bathroom for just the right moment. It really is that nice a quality of paper. Plus, we’re savages in Ireland, they don’t sell the nice stuff here yet.

Moving on. Copyright infringement, right? We’ve reproduced a copyright-protected image of Steve’s lovely face that Steve Aoki and Ultra records own and we must now burn in the fires of hell for all eternity?

We haven’t reproduced the image. Not even once. As you have already learned, it has never once gone on a T-Shirt. The only place you have seen it used is in our digital mock-up of the proposed tee. Even then, we only used a small portion of the image you talk about and altered that small portion in many different ways before then adding as only one element of another much more complicated mock-up image.

So are you suing me over the whole digital mock-up image in question, including the male model who features twice (You might recognize him, he is called Dixon, he is also quite a big DJ but he hasn’t sent his legal team after us yet, please don’t rat us out!!), the tee, the street, the wall behind Dixon and the lovely green window in the image etc, or are you suing me over the 1/50 of the image we used that you say your copyright-protected image features in?

I would place the two images side by side below for you to compare, but to do that, I would have to use your actual image in full. And you would probably sue me for that, right?

Starting to feel petty to you yet?

Another thing. What you won’t have seen in the mock-up version which is the only one thing that went ahead is that aside from only using a small portion of the “copyright-protected image” (Steve’s face) and altering it to a black and white format, we have also added thousands of tiny cakes running in a dot matrix style pattern across his face with the words “I’m going to take down the entire electronic music community. Let them eat cake!” emblazoned across his lips.

The image in question is clearly a completely different image to the one you claim we are reproducing, and is a complete parody based on this extremely public figure and his extremely controversial and ludicrous actions on stage. This man puts himself out there in the most public of fashions in a way that not only opens itself up to ridicule, but demands it. Steve has chosen to be this controversial public figure, perhaps he needs to build a bridge and accept that there are opinions out there concerning his public persona that he will not like, but it does not make them illegal.

As you will be aware in your line of work, by it’s very nature, a parody MUST closely resemble or reference the original enough for the audience to recall the original, but not so much as to actually BE infringement – thereby “fair use” of the image. No deal on the infringement I’m afraid.

So to recap:

  1. The parody t-shirts never actually existed, they are nothing more than an idea that never happened. Our flights and accommodation to Paris fashion week where we were set to officially unveil this tee to the world’s glitterati have been cancelled and the world’s press have been notified, you will be happy to know.
  2. Anybody that requested this Tee has been offered a different item. Something that actually exists. It’s coming into Winter now, something that actually exists will be much warmer. Wow, we nearly had 11 very cold customers there. Thanks for that.
  3. We haven’t infringed on your image copyright. It’s a lovely picture of Steve, really it is. But it’s time to let go now. There are other pictures of other EDM DJs out there. You’ll get over this one in time. May I suggest some candles, a glass of wine and an evening on Google Image Search typing in phrases that start with “DJ”? That’s what I do when I’m lonely. You can have that one for free.
  4. You have a very GSOH. I do too. We could be friends.
  5. Here in Ireland, we are savages that wipe our bums with our mail.
  6. Cronuts are little balls of heaven. They are the only time you ever want little balls.
  7. Wunderground is not the gospel. It’s much more believable than that! Haha, but no, really, Wunderground is not based on reality or fact. Read a few articles. You’ll see what I mean very quickly.

Moving on. You’ve made a little check-list of demands. I love lists and I love it when you are demanding, so this is all round heaven for me. Okay, I’ll address each of your demands separately.

1. Remove consumer access to the “Infringing Tees”

Consumers can’t access the Tees in this dimension as they don’t exist. The indiegogo page closed some months ago and the Tee is not available for sale on our site. Anybody that tried to buy it has not been successful and never received this tee. As I’ve already explained, there wasn’t many takers anyway.

2. Provide evidence that you have destroyed all “Infringing Tees”

No problem at all. I’ve included photographic evidence that all the “Infringing Tees” have been destroyed. See below for a picture of me trying to set them all on fire. Now look, I’ll be straight with you. I’m all up for these demands and helping you out as much as I possibly can, but I stood outside in my back garden in the pouring Irish rain with gale force winds for over 3 hours trying to set a pile of non-existent Steve Aoki T-shirts on fire with a lighter and despite my persistence in the face of almost certain defeat I still couldn’t get it to light. My neighbours are laughing at me ever since. My poor mother, she just stood at the kitchen sink staring out into the garden at me and my meager attempts for the full three hours crying her eyes out. Did I tell you she is starting to worry about my mental health?

20140929_221112

3a. Provide full accounting details of sales and proceeds from the crowd fund blah blah blah.

Firstly, this breaks every data protection law in the book here in Ireland. You know about data protection right? I sure they mentioned it in legal college. For us to give you a full list of our customers details without their permission is illegal. And you don’t roll like that, so I won’t ask you to.

3b. Provide evidence we have put all crowd funding proceeds into an account controlled by your client.

Your client couldn’t control a single buttoned CDJ, so he certainly isn’t going to control our bank account. As I have already stated, any funds in our account did not get there through by reproducing your image, or by fulfilling orders for a non-existent shirt. T’was simply an idea we shall look back at in years to come while wondering where the hell Steve Aoki ever went to.

4. Take any and all other necessary or appropriate steps to eliminate further violations of our clients rights.

Of course. We always do.

The last part of your letter where you threaten that Steve Aoki will come after us for – compensatory damages, disgorgement of profits, punitive damages, statutory damages, attorney fees and costs for misappropriation of our client’s name and likeness and rights of publicity, copyright infringement, unfair competition, unjust enrichment, constructive trust, and violation of your clients common law trademark rights – really hurts my feelings.

In fact, the whole sentence makes my head hurt.

I much prefer this sentence…

“How can you sue me for selling a t-shirt that never existed”

You really seem to mean business so I’m going to leave it here for now, with the understanding you’ll probably be sending me another load of silly legal nonsense about feeding Unicorns at the end of a rainbow, or something else that never actually existed. Just PLEASE make it less funny next time, or you’re hired!

Yours forever and ever until the end of time,

Mikey Maguire

Wundergroundmusic.com

P.S – I see you Cc’d Matt Colon (If that is his real name) from Deckstar press on the email you sent me with all the nasty finger pointing. While we are pointing fingers and shaking our heads disapprovingly, Matt has been spamming me on a regular basis since I launched Wunderground. We get his crappy mails all the time. A lot of the time these are Steve Aoki promo emails. Why do you guys need to spam websites with useless promos? Are you not making enough dolla already? I’m not sure what crack Matt was smoking when he thought we were a good outlet to send Steve Aoki promos to, but can you ask Matt, under section 7 of the “Stop spamming me it hurts my face and it’s illegal, actually illegal, not in a non-existent t-shirt way, but in a you-are-sending me-illegal-Steve-Aoki-emails kinda way” act, to please take us off his list. We never subscribed and we don’t want to have to send him a nasty legal letter. They’re too funny, and my mum is really starting to worry. Thanks Matt, we love you really! Peace!

Footnote: I feel bad for teasing you over the cronut thing. It was very presumptuous of me. You might not even know what a cronut is. If you don’t, I’ve included a picture of one below to illustrate. It’s basically a doenut having sex with a croissant. If you haven’t had one, look for one similar to the picture and eat it. You will surely think of this letter and thank me while two of the world’s most popular pastries bump uglies in your mouth.

CRONUT

*Disclaimer – The bit about the Unicorns… they aren’t real. You’ll figure it out I’m sure but just thought it needed to be said. Love you x

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Comments 189

    1. Now let’s get some miners together and start a steveaokitshirt coin pool, whos in on this new currency?

  1. Someone had his laughter glands removed then? I live for the day when I’m famous enough for Wunderground to “do” me….

          1. I am, yes! Steve Aoiki is shit. We can all agree on that. Me not thinking the response was very well put isn’t important so why so angry about it? I like to be polite and respond to everyone so excuse my multiple replies.

          2. Yes, that’s literally the only explanation. It couldn’t be that I just expressed an opinion. I must be his mum.

      1. Don’t be ridiculous. Are those the only options – find that rambling, monotonous response hilarious or be a Steve Aoiki fan?! I’m definitely not a fan. All those EDM djs suck ass. That doesn’t mean everything written about them is automatically hilarious. The response was pretty embarrassing in its self-congratulatory tone and it goes on and on and on……..rather like boring EDM beats actually!

          1. You know the more you come back with these mega-lame retorts the more I’ll just keep replying, you 14 year old.

          2. Youre an ugly, old, pig faced cunt. I hope you dont have kids, if you do they’re embarrassed of you…

          3. Your opinion isn’t worth anything. You aren’t a special snowflake. Hit the X at the top of the window and shut the fuck up.

          4. Ok, calm down there, Spanky. Like I said, you’d have to be very insecure to be so upset about one person’s opinion. Don’t cry.

          5. You are clearly on the wrong side of the internet ItsTurtleTime. Go back to Yahoo or wherever the hell you came from.

          6. Never used their chatrooms but the cd-roms with the free 100 hours of dial up internet were nice. Anyway, I’ve won numerous internet medals in flamewars with trolls over the years. You clearly have nothing else to do so allow me to offer a few suggestions before I go back to not giving a fuck. Go outside, meet people, experience what this world has to offer and try not to be a douchebag. If these options don’t suit, do us all at least one favor and never reproduce.

          7. CJ, only one of us here is claiming to be a winner on the internet while still getting furious this hour of the morning because one girl didn’t rate the quality of writing on one webpage. Take a Xanax, calm down. Maybe go outside and have a chat with a human. (way to display not giving a fuck, btw, definitely looks that way)

          8. Sorry I gave the impression of furious. I’m feeling more snarky than anything. Well, good day madame. *whistling dixie as I walk away*

          9. Don’t apologise to me. It’s your blood pressure. We all enjoy a bit of snark but you are downright abusive.

          1. Not sure where I gave the impression that I was an active feminist or into tupperware. Try harder. Are you always this upset when you discover not everyone has the same sense of humour?

          2. you came to the conclusion I was upset without me even typing a single exclamation point? you really must be a feminist. do you scream rape when men raise their voices???

          3. Is that your definition of a feminist? Women who scream rape when men raise their voices? Your mother must have really done a number on you for that to be a sentence you’d even think of using as an ‘insult’. (don’t worry, I’m impervious to total f*cking morons)

          4. your not impervious! you silly little feminist troll! i’m sitting her laughing thinking about how mad and how hard you thought while typing your reply! I can’t wait for the next one!

          5. It’s *you’re*. Spend more time in school learning to spell and while you’re at it, learn the definition of feminism. It’d be awful if you looked really stupid trying to use terms as insults that you clearly don’t understand. *awaits angry retort about how much you’re laughing*

          6. if you had a husband to put you in your place you wouldn’t be on an EDM satire website trolling and wasting time. Imagine the satisfaction you would feel after a long day of washing dishing, cleaning furniture, mopping, vacuuming and doing laundry! Try it once, you will love it! Its in your genes!

        1. You were rather loquacious in your rebuttal which leads me to believe you might not be completely usless, but, you must realize that if this is the actual response; that it was purposely made hilariously, if not painfully long, because Steve’s crack legal team has to read it word for agonizing word. Hopefully enlightening them in the matter of how futile it is to actually try and stop the act of imaginary tee-shirt manufacture.

          1. Exactly. The lawyer has to read all of it, and Aoki gets billed–about $10 a minute if she’s any good. The longer it is, the more it costs Aoki. And that _is_ funny.

          1. Lovely. Did your mother teach you that charming expression? You must have many girlfriends.

          2. Sorry but no offense TurtleTIme. Why are you here? Clearly people are here to enjoy flaming on Aoki. I mean, you DO want to be cool don’t you? It seems that way. It really seems that way, unfortunately….its not working 🙁
            Now go make me a sandwich 😀

          1. Of course you can. It’s a troll with no life. That’s what trolls live for, as they have no friends and not much else to to. They’re just sad, hateful, empty people.

          2. Whereas your life is so full of joy you just replied to me about 15 times with pure hate and bitterness. Get a grip.

          3. 3 or 4 responses isn’t even close to 15, lying troll. Pure hate & bitterness? hahahaha But you just keep on trolling, trollollollolloll. Not quite EVERYONE on here knows how pathetic you are. Yet. …

          4. Good grief. I hope you’re old; otherwise I weep for the future.
            Look in the mirror and what you’re looking at is 100% troll. Anger, completely irrational rage, trying your best to get a negative reaction from someone for expressing an opinion. All you, all troll.

        2. Also why do you feel the need to spend your time insulting peoples musical tastes? Aren’t there like thousands of things you would rather be doing? Or is this actually what you want to do with your life? Browse websites on subjects that you aren’t interested in and spread negative emotions?

          1. Um, where did I insult anyone’s musical tastes? That’s news to me. Maybe you can let me know, thanks. That is if you can take time from your busy day.

          2. And I actually don’t have a busy day, I’m a 17 year old kid that smokes weed all day, But you seem to be much older than me, So it seems like you should have a job, or kids, or a passion, or something that matters to you to take up your time besides being negative in the comments section of websites that have nothing to do with anything you’re interested in…

          3. Jeez, where do I start with this. Maybe the futile hypocrisy of pretending that you commenting here is somehow less a waste of time than me or anyone else. I am typing from my job where i work at a PC all day. When you get off your ass and get a job you’ll realise that literally millions of people spend all day in front of their pc’s for work. As for the ‘negative’ comments, what have you said yourself that was positive? You’re an EDM fan, clearly, as you’re upset I slagged it. In which case you’re in the wrong place, kiddo. No-one here likes EDM.

          4. First of all I actually also have an online job and work at my computer all day, I guess I assumed that if you were at work you would be… working…

            And well, I’ve gotten pretty used to people that aren’t fans of electronic music talking shit about it. I’m more interested in figuring out the motivation of people that “talk shit” about pretty much anything. I, personally, don’t see it. I realize that what I’m doing right now could be misconstrued as a similar thing, But I’m actually just attempting to satisfy my curiosity. It seems to me that there a millions of useful, fun, interesting, etc things to do in the world, Learn to ride a bike, Paint a picture, write a story, see a movie, so It confuses me when I see people on the internet using their time to insult other people or their opinions. We only have 100 or so years at best in our lives, Am I honestly the only one that thinks it’s a waste of that time to insult people on the internet?

          5. See, that makes no sense to me.

            Firstly, because this entire letter palaver was over this website insulting Aoki. How comes that kind of insulting is ok but my ONE sentence about not finding the reply well-written ( it isn’t, it’s self-congratulatory to the point of self-parody, it’s long winded, repetitive and could be great if just edited…a lot) has garnered a heap of abuse? If you’re against anyone being critical then you have to go up against everyone on this site as it’s all about being critical.

            How come you can spend time online having a go at me but somehow you’re better than me and my spending time online is cos I’m a hater?? It’s hypocritical. I’m not doing anything you’re not doing. You can see already you jumped to the conclusion (as prob a few more did) that I was just being a hater and didn’t know anything about music. Believe me, I know a f*ckload about electronic music but this isn’t a p!ssing contest. I find the idea of Aoki being upset about the t-shirt amusing. I just didn’t rate the response. Why on earth is that so terrible that everyone is jumping on me? I was told not to reproduce because I said a letter wasn’t well-written. Are you people serious??! And I’m the hater??! Think about it.

          6. Well, to your first point, I will concede that the bare bones idea of just calling him a shit DJ does seem equally pointless to me… But they’re also actually making money through the site by posting the content, so I can see what their motivation is.

            Furthermore, I realize that at this point the amount of backlash you’re getting seems far disproportional to your original comment, and I apologize for my previously disrespectful demeanor. I honestly am much more interested in having an interesting conversation and did not mean to have a go at you, unlike all these other fuckwits, although I definitely realize I was being ruder than necessary. However, I do think that my comments, besides the very first one, are not exactly the same as your original one and those of these other people pointlessly insulting you, Because they are, while being worded disrespectfully, mostly in the form of questions. I was actually attempting to gain access to information, although being rude about it, as opposed to just stating “so and so is shit.”

          7. I think we’ve all learned something today. 😉 (one being that I think you must be the most mature person here by a mile, which makes me hope you really are a 17 year old stoner! ;-))

          8. In your case you can look, but apparently it’s advised you don’t comment. Just saying… 😉

          9. Wow, ok. Isn’t the whole entire point of this entire website/letter/p!ss-take that EDM dj’s like Aoiki are not respected by pretty much any other genre, hence the Steve Aoki hate? Take a look at the comments and come back and tell me I’m a lone voice in slagging EDM. Take your time, i know you have to climb down from your high horse first.
            (btw, i don’t ‘browse’ random websites, this was linked by a DJ I follow as a slam on Aoki)

          10. Well actually, This website is mostly made up of legitimate electronic music fans and musicians that dislike shit DJs like Aoki because they are a large cause of the loss of respect of electronic music. There are many, many, many electronic musicians that make music that is not boring, nor repetitive, and can actually be quite beautiful and moving.

          11. Yes, I’ve been listening to electronic music for over 20 years, kiddo. You can’t tell me anything about it. Oh, there are better ones than Aoki? WOW, STOP THE PRESS! WHO KNEW?!? Please. Step away from the internet.

          12. Well I guess from my perspective you appeared to be someone that was not a fan of electronic music and one of the ones that assume all electronic music is a 4 by 4 beat with a 3 note melody, I guess I assumed that when you said “EDM” you were referring to electronic music as a whole, but I now realize that many older fans use that term to specifically denote the brand of shit electronic music that has been popularized recently.

          13. That is a fair assumption as there is confusion. Older heads like me term EDM the newer sh!t cheese that only recently took off in the US (mainly) but would separate that from pretty much all other genres of electronic music, which have been around for yonks. You’re exactly right.

      1. No, but I specified the response as this whole article is the response. Sorry that upset you. It’s definitely funny that he actually sent a Cease and Desist letter (which is not about suing someone so the headline is misleading) but not the response. That ok, everyone?

          1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise this was a bunch of 4 year olds.
            The internet = only one point of view is allowed.

          2. Now that we have proved you have no sense of humour, I would recommend blocking wudergroundmusic.com and setting your router on fire.

          3. Because a mature established old hag like yourself spends hours replying to comments on a satire website you claim sucks. hahaha. lawd have mercy granny go back to yoga class

      1. Nah, I think my sense of humour has just gottten used to real satire and comedy. Try The Onion or Waterford Whispers. 10x the funny of this attempt.

          1. Um, it’s you lot who are trolling. I said ONE thing about the letter being badly written, an OPINION, (ya know, we all have them) and got jumped on by a load of angry weirdos pouring abuse on me. You’re the trolls.

        1. If you find the Onion funny, I can definitely understand why you don’t understand the humour in this page.

        2. Or maybe you just really don’t understand the context and have no interest in being here other than turtletrolling..

          1. The context being that it’s a response to a cease and desist letter about an imaginary t-shirt? Ya, I’m all good, thanks. I figured it out.

          2. Then, no.. The joke falls flat on you. Thanks, for playing.. can you see yourself out of this particular satire site on your own or are you going to need help with that too?

          3. Er, maybe you don’t understand the concept of a person expressing how they didn’t find something very funny. Mind-blowing I know, that different people have different levels of humour – I can explain it some more if you’re struggling with that.

          4. Maybe you don’t understand the concept that NO ONE here cares what you think, you huge buzzkill. At parties, are you the lonely one in the corner with no friends because everything you express is your dislike of things?!?! If it’s not actually you, is sure as hell is you in spirit.

          5. You all sure did a swell job of pretending nobody cared. It looks like everyone cares a LOT!

          6. I think it’s stuck in it’s own personal hell and is just passing time spreading it’s useless opinions here. I don’t think it knows how to leave, because it has been posting on this article for numerous days. I thinks it’s too stupid to stop, and just loves abuse, because it’s the only attention anyone will give it. Poor thing, whatever it is. It’s life must be so utterly meaningless.

        3. the onion is potty, dumbed down, obvious humour directed at yanks who dont get irony or sarcasm. So pretty much you, duck

          1. The Onion only does sarcasm and irony and the notion that yanks don’t get it has been debunked at least 2 decades ago.Thanks for playing though.

    1. Yo Turtle, your opinion is duly noted. I however, found this absolutely hilarious and completely within the theme of the entire website, so even the sheer irony of this being factual was enough to make me laugh. Maybe you should have a cronut as well? Cheers x

      1. Good on ya! I’m just one person though. I’m not sure why you’re all so upset about one person’s opinion. If I think something’s funny I usually don’t give a f*ck about who else thinks it’s funny but y’all seem to be more needy.

        1. You just don’t get it, one of the reasons the internet exists is purely to agitate people like you. No one actually cares about your opinion, you’re just an easy target because you keep responding….when you clearly don’t fit in here. Just stoppppp

          1. Ya sure, I’m the one agitated here because ONE person didn’t laugh at my letter. Lol! (btw, why on earth would I want to fit in here??)

    2. You were rather loquacious in your rebuttal which leads me to believe you might not be a completely usless, but, you must realize that if this is the actual response; that it was purposely made hilariously, if not painfully long, because Steve’s crack legal team has to read it word for agonizing word. Hopefully enlightening them in the matter of how futile it is to actually try and stop the act of imaginary tee-shirt manufacture.

      1. I’d have no reason to say i thought it wasn’t if I thought it was funny! The idea is hilarious though; Aoiki is indeed an idiot. He basically just pied himself in the face with one of his own cakes – I’d have gone with something much shorter based around that as a response instead of an essay about how much I laughed.

    3. You people don’t know how lawyers work. It is intentionally long & somewhat boring to take time for these bozo layers to read it. If a lawyer is making $100 per hour or more, imagine how long to took them to read this? It intentionally repeats the same thing as to dumb it down for these obviously inept mouthpieces that thought why had a case.

      Im sure some of these noobs in the scene are getting butt-hurt over this but in the real world Aoki is crap that appeals to the bottom feeders & little kids in the scene. I want to watch someone mix, not throw a freakin cake & stage dive on top of a bunch of pixie sticks.

      The best part was:

      “Your client couldn’t control a single buttoned CDJ , so he certainly isn’t going to control our bank account. As I have already stated, any funds in our account did not get there through by reproducing your image, or by fulfilling orders for a non-existent shirt. T’was simply an idea we shall look back at in years to come while wondering where the hell Steve Aoki ever went to.”

    4. You people don’t know how lawyers work. It is intentionally long & somewhat boring to take time for these bozo layers to read it. If a lawyer is making $100 per hour or more, imagine how long to took them to read this? It intentionally repeats the same thing as to dumb it down for these obviously inept mouthpieces that thought they had a case.

      Im sure some of these noobs in the scene are getting butt-hurt over this but in the real world Aoki is a crap DJ that appeals to the bottom feeders & little kids in the scene. I want to watch someone mix, not throw a freakin cake & stage dive on top of a bunch of pixie sticks.

      The best part was:

      “Your client couldn’t control a single buttoned CDJ , so he certainly isn’t going to control our bank account. As I have already stated, any funds in our account did not get there through by reproducing your image, or by fulfilling orders for a non-existent shirt. T’was simply an idea we shall look back at in years to come while wondering where the hell Steve Aoki ever went to.”

      1. lol @ “you people don’t know how lawyers work” and then saying “if a lawyer is making $100 per hour or more.” I can almost guarantee you Steve Aoki’s lawyers’ PARALEGALS are billing more than $100 per hour.

        1. Hahahahaha Thats makes my point even more valid. So if little stevies paralegals are making lets say $300 per hour it probably cost them $600 to just read this letter. No matter what the joke is on Steve Aoki for being such a dumb-ass, & his horrible legal team that got owned by some humorous hacks who pointed out that neither Aoki or his legal team know what the hell they are doing & are buffoons that handle this all wrong and got humiliated.

    5. Wish I didnt waste my time reading that unfunny response. Trying so hard to be funny comes off lame and desperate.

    6. Look, we know you may have insecurities, we know you have to have heated conversations with people online in order to have fun or w/e you do, but please, this is satire, not a serious response, it’s people like you that make the internet a worse place. You are only wasting your own time.

  2. could you please publish the name of his legal co, as I would like to send them a Cease and Desist order stating that their client (I cant even bring myself to type his name!) should not call himself a DJ until he can actually prove, in from of a chosen panel of independent observers that he can indeed claim the title of said entertainer, namely the ‘DJ’. Ta like. (from an actual, retired DJ who was playing records – yes records to crowds whilst ‘he’ was still shiting in his daipers. Thanks team, keep up the awesome work! 🙂

  3. Would you mind awfully if I steal your idea and actually make these shirts ? I’ll do it from Nigeria and let see them catch me there !

    What a complete tosser, just goes to show the level of patheticness in the EDM scene. I’ll say it LOUD … “STEVE OKEYDOKEY you are a shit DJ and should NEVER be allowed behind a deck again!”. If sites like this didn’t cover his career he wouldn’t even have one !

    We should all send him letter of cease and desist for using the word DJ … he is not and it makes a mockery of the industry.

  4. Jeez, you would think by now lawyers had learned to just leave comedy writers alone.

    It never ends well for them lol

  5. leave Steve Aoki alone!

    his shit DJ and gimmick live shows are discrediting his career alone, and now joke sites? will it ever end??!

    1. seconded. I think he is touring down under soon so im going to pay for an overpriced ticked to stereosonic, brave the edm fads and get up front row center in one of these bad boys especially for him!

  6. Here in the US satire is protected by the 1st amendment, and you can totally satire celebraties to your hearts content.

    You should have pointed out that this is actually protected speech on US soil.

    1. Actually, it’s a veiled threat to let someone know that it they don’t cease and desist, legal action will be taken. You obviously are not a lawyer. Now please go on about your business. There is a turtle somewhere that needs you.

        1. I am a lawyer, that’s why I posted a reply to your ignorant post, dumb twat. A cease and desist letter is a notice to let someone know that if they don’t “cease and desist”, legal action will be taken. In other words, a veiled threat. Go ask a lawyer yourself, turtle troll.

          1. It still isn’t suing the person, which is what the headline says. Jesus Christ, why are you so angry because one woman doesn’t think the writing here is good? Are you all that insecure? You’re actually angry right now! I’m not trolling but if I was can’t you see you’d be giving me exactly what I’d want, which is to get people like you who can’t handle any disagreement with your POV all rattled and upset? (which isn’t what I’m trying to do but you’re acting like a total child anyway)

          2. But you ARE a troll, just trying to provoke me by saying I’m angry. That’s why you continue. I’m not angry at all. I’m just stating facts. Your last point about the headline being misleading is true, but that isn’t what you originally stated. You wouldn’t have bothered continuing on, unless you were a troll. Or maybe you’re just an angry dumb cunt who’s just trying to make herself look intelligent. I’m sure it’s both, really.

          3. Wow, so much rage. Take a Xanax. Like you admitted, i was correct – Saying he’s threatening to sue is akin to saying you’re being taken to court.when you actually got a written warning from a traffic cop. You’re the one trolling here with your angry, hysterical tone. Take it down a notch.

          4. I’m not the one trolling here and I’m not the one so insecure I can’t handle ONE person not thinking ONE letter is funny.

    2. Looks like you didnt read the whole thing, why are you here again?

      “The last part of your letter where you threaten that Steve Aoki will come after us for – compensatory damages, disgorgement of profits, punitive damages, statutory damages, attorney fees and costs for misappropriation of our client’s name and likeness and rights of publicity, copyright infringement, unfair competition, unjust enrichment, constructive trust, and violation of your clients common law trademark rights”

    3. Oh Relax please… It’s already bad enough that a DJ like Aoki is making a lot of money corrupting young stupid kids and polluting the electronic music scene. We don’t need someone pissing on the only site that gives us some sort of satisfaction… We are all happy that wunderground went under Aoki skin enough for him to send a cease and desist notice… let us enjoy our victory in peace and go read the Onion.. I heard they are very funny and more entertaining… Just go in peace… no one hates you or anything like that… we just want you to go away… simple…

  7. you are the kings!! Funniest thing I’ve heard… Poor little Steve… Why can’t he throw cakes and press the play button in Peace…

    Can’t wait for the next article about him…
    All this to show you that Steve’s fan are sooo dumb they believe anything they read on the internet and He has to write on his website for make sure they know… Such a shame!!

  8. I think we’ve come to the conclusion, as fans, that you now need to make the shirt. Thank you.
    ps. I’ll take 2 in large.

  9. wow… that is some seriously hilarious writing. brilliant satire while aggressively deflating a lawyers testicles in a public forum? What’s not to love? 😀

  10. Steve Aoki is a jokey. Cakkake will never make up for talent. Hey Steve – why don’t you make sure your next trampoline stunt paralyses you so you can show us all how a quadriplegic “DJ’s”.

  11. DJs are all fucking morons. I hope he takes you to court and fists you for something and destroys his fake public image of the affable stoner in the process, even if its not for trying to re-sell his likeness, public defamation of character would stand up in court, because you’re operating a website that sells ad-space off the back of clickbait articles such as this. It’d be amusing if you went down for that and spent the next few years calling yourself Mary and praying for lube, instead of twatting on about ‘real DJs’ week in week out.

  12. Only clown throw cake. Steve Aokissmyass (wouldn’t want to infringe on a trademark), giving clowns everywhere a bad name…I smell a lawsuit! CLOWNS UNITE!

  13. Only clowns throw cake. Steve Aokissmyass (wouldn’t want to infringe on a trademark), giving clowns everywhere a bad name…I smell a lawsuit! CLOWNS UNITE!

  14. Only clown throw cake. Steve Aokissmyass (wouldn’t want to infringe on a trademark), giving clowns everywhere a bad name…I smell a lawsuit! CLOWNS UNITE! Oh wait…that’s Ultrafest™ innit?

  15. “ive been with more people in a toilet cubicle” made me literally fall off my chair. Amazing

  16. What a lovely response. Can i print your letter, frame it and hang it above my fireplace? Or, would you send your legal team after me?

  17. If you need to write an actual response that would stand in court let me know…Not taking this kind of thing seriously may be funny but it can have legal implications for you. I think sometimes you need to know when to stop trying to be funny. This is one of those moments.

  18. Soooooo here’s the deal. I am going to Start Making these Steve Aoki tshirts and I will not be selling them, however I will be donating them to the general public and accepting donations…you know to help run the non profit tshirt making business which clothes people for free, because PLUR>

    1. Excellent. Here, use up another 2 seconds….or in your case 5 minutes as you’re probably a very slow reader.

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Real News: Steve Aoki To Sue Wunderground – Issues Cease & Desist

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