The Scottish public have been warned not to attempt to capture and deep-fry the elrow chicken ahead of this weekend’s Elrow Town Festival in Edinburgh.
Rumours circulating on social media suggest a group of Scotsmen, who have a tendency to deep-fry everything, were planning to form a hunting party to track down the Chicken, or Rowgelia as he is known to his friends and family.
Allister McCarter, a hungry Scot with a taste for fried chicken, has claimed that he will be “going all out” to catch Rowgelia during the festival.
“I’m definitely bringing my hunting kit with me to elrow Town,” he told us earlier. “I’ll be honest with you, I bring it everywhere with me, it’s just a bottle of Buckie and a pouch of tobacco but you’d be surprised how useful that stuff is when hunting, especially in Scotland.”
“I’ll catch the wee fucker too, just you wait and see,” he insisted. “And when I do, I’ll eat him. It’ll be the only bit of nourishment I get all day, there’s no way I’m spending any of my drink money on food.”
Albert Santos, a spokesperson for elrow, spoke to Wunderground earlier, “We’ve heard that there is a gang of people who are planning on trying to catch Rowgelia so we just want to go on record now and ask people not to do it, it’s a complete waste of time because they’ll never be able to catch him.”
“He’s no ordinary chicken,” our source continued. “He has special powers that will help him evade capture. He can smell cheap larger from over a kilometer away, which should make it quite easy for him to stay out of the way of any drunken Scots. He’s also extremely fast on his feet and unlike most other chickens he’s able to fly in short spurts so he’s very evasive.”
“Not only that, he’s also over seven foot tall and three foot wide, so unless you’ve got some sort of super-size industrial deep-fat-fryer, you’re never going to be able to cook him,” Santos claimed.
“And, to top it all off, you’ll have noticed I keep referring to Roegelia as ‘he’ so he’s not actually a chicken as people think, he’s a cock, and let’s be honest, nobody wants a deep-fried cock.”