Techno Loving Doctor Won’t Listen To Heartbeats Lower Than 140 BPM


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A techno loving German doctor, who specialises in cardiovascular diseases, is reportedly refusing to listen to heartbeats lower than 140BPM.

Mario Braun, one of the leading doctors in his field, has recently turned away a number of potential patients because their heart rate was “too housey” for his liking.

Wunderground caught up with him earlier today, “What can I say, I’m a man of principles and I stick to them rigorously,” he told us. “There are a lot of doctors around here who will listen to anything, but I’m not one of them. For me, it’s 140BPM or higher, there’s just no point in me listening to anything else.”

“It’s not that I don’t like to listen to heart’s with a rate lower than 140BPM or that I don’t know how to treat them,” continued the doctor. “It’s just that I just can’t get into them and they bore the absolute shit out of me. I find my mind wondering when I listen to them and it’s just not fair on the patient.”

“I’d hate to think that I gave someone with a heart rate of 120BPM a bad diagnoses because I was too busy daydreaming about treating someone with a much faster heart rate when I was seeing them,” he explained. “So, the decision not to see them isn’t about me being some kind of a snob, although I am, it’s just in the patients’ best interest.”

According to sources close to the doctor, Braun also moonlights as an industrial techno artist, regularly playing in some of Berlin’s most underground venues.

“Der Doktor is one of the best producers around at the moment,” claimed one Berlin raver. “Apparently, he samples real heartbeats to make all of his tunes and he doesn’t release them until the person he sampled dies. So, if you think about it, his tunes are ghosts, that’s how they really get into your head.”

Unconfirmed rumours suggest that Braun is currently working on a collaboration with Surgeon, which will be released on hospital Records later this year.

This piece of cutting edge journalism is brought to you by the lovely people at EXIT Festival.


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Techno Loving Doctor Won’t Listen To Heartbeats Lower Than 140 BPM

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