Lithuanian negative vibe emitter Ten Walls has made the headlines for the wrong reasons again after revealing that he will stop using vinyl because it is black.
Speaking from beneath a homemade KKK robe, which actually looked more like a one armed child’s attempt at a cheap ghost costume, Ten Walls, real name Mario Basanov, revealed that he will now be a digital only DJ because he has “fallen out of love with the colour black”.
“Obviously I expect everyone to say ‘Oh you’re Ten Walls, you’re a homophobe and you must be racist too’ but that’s not true at all,” claimed the DJ earlier today. “The truth is it’s the colour that I don’t like, I don’t know, I just think black is a bit gay and I’ll be distancing myself from anything black from now on.”
“I really don’t know why people are getting so upset over this,” continued Basanov, who was told to “fuck off” by Pioneer after requesting an all white Nexus set up. “It’s got nothing to do with people. I hate anything that’s black equally, whether it’s vinyl, t-shirts, people or cars, I hate them all, not because of the individual object, just because they’re black. Simple!”
“Before you start saying that I’m colour prejudice, or any shit like that, I’ll let you know that it’s not just black that I hate,” he explained while metaphorically digging himself into a hole that had no escape route. “I’m not a big fan of brown or yellow either. If there were three colours I could wipe from existence it would definitely be those three. I’ve even had to stop eating bananas and chocolate so I’m actually making a lot of sacrifices to stick with my beliefs.”
According to Lithuanian sources, Ten Walls has been “shopping like a lunatic” in an attempt to replace all of the black, brown and yellow items of clothing he has removed from his wardrobe.
“As a DJ Mario naturally had quite a lot of black T-shirts and trousers,” claimed friend Igor Bockus. “Now that he’s come out as not being a racist he had no choice but to get rid of them, I said he should give them to a charity shop but he wouldn’t do it in case they ended up getting transported to Africa in black bags, obviously nothing to do with Africa, he just hates black bags. So in the end he just poured petrol on them and burned them in his garden.”
Experts are predicting that Basanov reluctance to work with anything black will be a short term arrangement as he will “most likely change his mind when he realises he has a black soul”.