Icelandic Norse God of thunder and lightning, Thor, has today declared he cannot wait to get absolutely hammered at the upcoming Secret Solstice Festival.
Thor, well known for his love of Seth Troxler, Kerri Chandler and appearing in shitty Marvel remakes, has been invited to the Festival as a guest of honour this year.
“Everybody in Iceland loves me” claimed the mythical superhero. “So the guys at Secret Solstice invited me down to get pissed and look good, both of which I do really well.”
“They love me so much they’ve even moved the silly VIP area behind the portaloos and built me my very own VIMING section right up the front, for ‘Very Important Mythical Icelandic Norse Gods’… whatever the fuck mythical means.”
“So I’ll be chilling in there all day drinking all the free beer, getting off my chops and chatting to the ladies. Freya, Norse god of love and fertility hasn’t got much time for me, but Bjork, Norse god of being an absolute nutter, she absolutely loves me so I’ll probably spend the day trying to get stuck in there.”
“We’re actually filming scenes for Thor 3 while I’m down there as well. I haven’t read the script, but apparently myself, Chaka Khan and Dusky team up and against the odds to save the world from the piss-poor music coming from the Foo Fighters stage.”
“But I doubt it will turn out great, mostly because the other two films were crap but also the fact that I can’t act to save my life….”
“but also due to the fact I plan on getting absolutely hammered!”