A man injecting heroin into his groin in an abandoned Edinburgh flat has claimed that Danny Boyle’s award winning movie Trainspotting does not give an accurate reflection of life in Scotland.
Speaking in sporadic and irregular bursts, the addict claimed that there was a lot more to life in Scotland and that he feels the movie does little but enforce a negative stereotype of his homeland.
“That movie is total bollocks man,” claimed long term smack user Peter MacLachlan. “You’d think Scotland was full of nothing but junkies, thieves and violent offenders but there’s way more to Scotland than that. We’ve got all sorts of lovely scenery, a monster in a lake and about six million whiskey distilleries.”
“I’ve been living in Edinburgh for the last fifteen years and life here is nothing like it is in the movie,” continued MacLachlan. “For a start the junkies are always in the pub which is total nonsense, don’t get me wrong, I love a drink, but pints, in a pub? I don’t fucking think so mate, a few cans of spesh down the park maybe but a fucking pub, no chance.”
“And don’t even get me started on Renton’s cold turkey scene,” scoffed MacLachlan. “I’ve been there and done that and I can honestly say that the movie makes it look like a walk in the park. What a load of shite. I would have loved to see a couple of dead babies or had vivid hallucinations, my cold turkey was all about shitting my trousers, agonising pain and wanting to kill myself.”
“The real Scotland is a lot nicer than that movie makes it out to be,” he continued. “I mean there wasn’t even any Irn-Bru or Buckfast in it. How can you try to give an accurate account of Scottish culture and not include them? It’s ludicrous.”
According to reports, Mr MacLachlan later turned down the chance to work as a consultant on Trainspotting 2 because he had to go “met a man about a dog” down an alley.