The woman who was famously caught smelling her sweaty armpit during a DJ set on renowned electronic streaming site, Boiler Room, has reportedly been offered a starring role in her own reality TV series.
“The series will track the exciting trials and tribulations of that most glamorous and enigmatic of public figures – the inadvertent internet celebrity,” gushed a press release from Channel 5 who will be producing the show in their own inimitable style. “There’s a whole subculture of people who are famous for having done disgusting things on the internet or who have had disgusting and embarrassing things done to them like Kim Kardashian or Two Girls, One Cup.”
“Except it’ll be One Girl, One Sniffed Finger,” chimed the producer with the delighted look of a child telling a riddle.
Throughout the course of the series, tentatively titled Boiler Room’s Next Top Armpit, will feature the young woman, 25-year-old Melissa Stewart, reviewing dance music events and interacting with fellow internet celebs including Chocolate Rain, Leave Britney Alone and Paris Hilton.
“It’s like Celebrity Big Brother, except with people you recognise,” claimed the producer. “Internet celebrities live glamorous and interesting lives, being recognised by people who can’t quite place how they know them and being referred to as ‘that guy from the thing’ – they’re just like real celebrities, except without the money, good looks or discernible talent.”
Speaking to Wunderground earlier today, Melissa or, as she’s come to be known, armpit girl, said she was delighted to have been plucked from relative obscurity and cast into the reflected spotlight of dancing behind a famous DJ.
“I’m delighted and a little overwhelmed,” offered armpit girl, “when I first dipped my fingers into my moist armpit and smelled the tips I didn’t realise at the time that anyone would sit up and notice my work.”
“It’s something I do everyday, sometimes several times, I never thought anything would come of it,” she continued. “I guess it just proves that God, wherever she is, has a plan for me.”
The series, which began filming last week, will see Melissa attending a variety of dance music gigs in the company of her internet friends with whom she shares a fractious, entertaining relationship “like The Hills with people off Youtube”.
“The whole point is that I’ll be reviewing and judging each gig for Channel 5 and Boiler Room using my own personal method of determining the quality of a particular set – by using my fingers to test how smelly my pit sweat is at the end of each night.”
“The first gig is a Disclosure set,” she concluded. “My pits were sodden by the end of the night, it was amazing. I don’t want to tell you how guff smelling it was but if pushed I’d say it had the same smeared pungency of a chlamydia-infected male prostitute’s groin.”