Just minutes before taking to the stage for the first night of his new world tour, “Guetta Life”, David Guetta sensationally announced that he was cancelling the event due to having lost the USB stick which contained his entire set. 

Mr. Guetta’s management quickly apologised to all his fans, however all four of them who showed up for the event were said to be massively disappointed with some of them having took the afternoon off from school and rode all the way there on their bikes.

The event has been described as a “cataclysmic fuck-up of spectacular proportions akin to the time Janet Jackson ‘accidentally’ got her tit out at half time of the Superbowl except featuring less nipple piercings” by certain areas of the press. Most notably, us.

Rumours that a jealous Skrillex actually sneaked backstage and stole the USB are unconfirmed, however some witnesses did claim to see a bespectacled androgynous extra from a Manga cartoon with half a haircut hanging around his dressing room just prior to the show.

David himself was seen scurrying out the back door of the arena like a half-inflated Owen Wilson repeatedly uttering that he couldn’t perform without the USB when tasked by organisers to DJ live.

Despite the claim that all tickets will be refunded one fan interviewed said, “I’m keeping my ticket. Next time I think of doing something stupid, like sticking my wet finger in a wall socket, going to church or attending a David Guetta gig, I’ll just look at this and remember what happened here this night.”

97 Responses

  1. StalinGold

    “DJ” More like a Press Play performer, Sven Vath, Seth Troxler..these are DJ’s and not this idiot. Disgusting.

  2. Vinyl DJ but yeah

    ok jokes about how these big name edm guys cant really djs are getting lame after the 500th time. i think we all got the message.

    • ROCA99

      Hard, it is so easy to take the piss out of someone who is famous and in the spotlight. Truth is, half of these people who talk crap about him would not say anything of the sorts to his face – they would probably just kiss his ass.

      • Ryan

        lol nope , id put so much baby powder in my hand an smack the shit out of em.

      • ROCA99

        Haha I doubt it mate, purely for the fact that you would get done for assault and probably have to pay him a decent amount of money. Stop being an internet gangster.

      • ROCA99

        Bwahahaha. Go and do it then man, if your such a bad ass. Post us a picture of you getting arrested just to prove it.

      • Brecht Boelens

        I actually told him he sucked ass (exact words) @ Ten Days Off (Ghent, Belgium). Back then he wasn’t very famous yet, but he did take the time to shake hands with unknowing degenerates who were so happy to have a DJ in their midst. He just gave me a weird look, turned his back and walked away. It’s like politicians. Not doing any work theirselves, but taking credit whenever they can…

  3. fırat Tuncbas

    i m sorry and i dont like this guy’s music but he is dj for 25 years..and he doesnt need fckin usb sticks..if he wants he records the song on some vinyls and can mix them..i think..

    • djdorman

      if you knew anything about DJing then you would know that the industry standard is to typically have banks of songs on multiple USB’s for playback. very few use vinyls now a days

      • Nate Jones

        or serato…..or whatever else. usb=uspussy

      • Matthew O'Connor

        serato is even worse! djdorman is right industry standard is USB’s with individual tracks not prerecorded sets .. cds get damaged, untill you’ve played with anyone of real stature hows about just shut your beak ..

      • FROSTY CRATES

        Serato is the same thing as mixing records or CDJs, this feed is constipative. <-(real word)

      • Matthew O'Connor

        i agree wholeheartedly .. about this feeds bowel movements that is ..

      • salma267

        OR you should read again and realise that this article is a joke.

  4. SmilaZ

    Wasting your time energy and worst of all your own good luck you GuettaHATERS. How you people express yourselves about another person Gives Away much more (negative things in this case here) about you, than about the person you are talking about. At least he is a really nice person AND so why not just let the man, He’s not even a hater or any negative rude or mean any such thing!, be happy for his success.

    • Steven Brooks

      SmilaZ this man represents everything terrible about the music industry, his flame needs t be extinguished!

      • SmilaZ

        ;-) if you got married to someone famous you would more than likely end up living from some hobby of yours if possible as well, so LISTEN you fools! It’s not Guetta’s fault that The INDUSTRY is a giant Fake BlingBling Money-focused ignorant asshole who gives a fuck about how big or small Guetta’s or your Tallent is. Guetta just got lucky in his life(and I worked for him and mett him a few times, and I can only say no wonder he’s INN with the people from his wife’s world! Because’s he’s so Nice n Lovely to have around, a total hippie-boy). It’s all Freakin’ SHOWBUSINESS, it’s all just BUSINESS!, it’s all just connections and money-business. From talent they only just use … about something like was it spices and herbs!

      • WeQqendi Walver

        not relevant, the discussion revolves around his DJ skills and producer/musical talent. There are people who got into the scene for several reasons: looks, connections, talent, etc. Again, most people don´t care about it, from a musical standpoint this guy is a terrible producer, from a dj perspective he is a terrible dj.

        If you are a lovely, hippy boy you would be better doing something else, people get upset because he is doing something he is not supposed to be doing, he doesn´t even try to give a good show, after all this years he could be doing way, way better than this, you can learn a new language or at least the basis in a matter of months, the same applies to djing, he obviously is not doing his homework.

        Guetta is charging money to play amateur-level sets, a kid would do better than him, DJ Kai for instance. As you said my time and energy are not worth this discussion but i had to clarify this.

    • Rob Kline

      What psychological, sociological, or even a/theological theory or perspective are you using to make this hypothesis? Seriously, if you could get off of your throne of righteousness for a second and enlighten us, it would be great.

      • SmilaZ

        not Guetta’s fault that The INDUSTRY is a giant Fake BlingBling
        Money-focused ignorant asshole who gives a fuck about how big or small
        Guetta’s or your Tallent is. Guetta just got lucky in his life(and I
        worked for him and mett him a few times, and I can only say no wonder
        he’s INN with the people from his wife’s world! Because’s he’s so Nice n
        Lovely to have around, a total hippie-boy). It’s all Freakin’
        SHOWBUSINESS, it’s all just BUSINESS!

      • SmilaZ

        Because someone elses happiness/joy/success/… should never be your misery as long as you stand with the option to choose to look at the positive hello!? Well, the successfull type is the kind that choose the positive thinking path. …but you people here can do speak n feel however you choose to. -of course.

      • Jayson Gordo

        ya.. he is using programs instead of vinly records.. a real faking true dj eh//

    • Ryan Sargent

      Guetta is a frou-frou, vocal mix DJ with no true talent. I am not surprised he had his whole show on a nerd stick to play from his computer. Be a real man and bust out your vinyl!

  5. Scott Rashleigh

    And the list of dweebs who don’t realize that this is a satirical website continues to grow…

  6. Yves Greijn

    too sad. Stop calling yourself a performer. @StalinGold:disqus: church! Troxler knows what’s up. Please check his EDM-culture interview. His opinion is spott-on

  7. Sanja Plavsic-Brandt

    being a music lover of course i do not like what he has been doing the last decade and i just can not believe how he got as famous. BUT i saw him back in 1998 in a club in belgrade called underground and he actually was working through his whole set and what he did back then has NOTHING to do with guetta’s music today, he wasn’t bad at all and his music choice and taste were not bad at all….and then all of “post-guetta-things” started happening, he turned into bobo or scooter….i have no other explanation but: this is totally fake, or he got so spoiled and used to doing nothing during his gigs playing only totally prepared sets from a…usb stick :)

    • Brecht Boelens

      I saw him play before he got famous, and by god, he was one of the worst DJ’s I ever encountered. Not a single mix without (huge) mistakes. My guess is he really needs the premixed sets, or nobody would pay a cent to hear him play. No DJ skills, but a good marketeer ;)

    • Psyonikx

      That’s like comparing apples to oranges. Both are AWFUL ‘artists’ (I feel silly for even using that word on them).

  8. Cliffy Burrows

    For the love of fucking god why do people still treat these stories as true. This site has been going for a couple of years now and has said time and again it is a satire site. These stories are just jokes, all of them are. Yet people actually believe it!!! Common sense seems to be lost on the internet!

  9. Don

    This would be hilarious if it were true. The whole ‘set on a stick’ is a sad direction that I’ve seen many of my (former) favorite DJs lazy-ass their way to live performances.

  10. Trond Wesenlund Hjønnevåg

    “All four that showed up where massively disappointed” good that there where no riots in the arena with so many fans…. :-)

  11. shezuaf

    dj is supposed to be and do things live, then that means that only comes and puts all his acts play and show, that’s a vile theft

  12. Ah ha ha ha!

    So people…. you guys are taking this too seriously! read the disclaimer to the site! ok ok I’ll post it for you :)
    Wunderground is a fictionalized, satirical publication. Its content should in no way be interpreted as an actual record of events, unless a story specifically states that its contents are an actual recording of events. These stories are also not intended to be, nor should they be construed as, attempts to predict the future course of any individual or entity, but should be viewed only as parody. Wunderground is not associated with any other news service. Names used in Wunderground stories, unless those of public figures or entities, are fictional, and any resemblance to actual persons or entities is coincidental, unintentional, and accidental. Any event described in Wunderground that actually comes to pass should also be considered coincidental, unintentional, and accidental. And pretty damned amazing.

    The content of Wunderground is of a mature nature and is intended for use by those age 18 and over.

    Any and all contents of Wunderground is © Copyright 2013 by Wunderbubble LTD, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without express written consent.

  13. Thissiteusedtobefunny

    This just in!!! David Guetta and Steve Aoki tragically die by severing their carotid arteries attempting to use something called “vinyl.” Apparently they had no idea where these “records” were supposed to go so they began throwing them at each other like frisbees until the freak accidents occurred.

    And then this site shut down forever because the authors ran out of material. Oh wait, I guess there’s still Molly.

    (Kudos for getting his lawyer’s attention – that was awesome, but, uh, got any new targets?

  14. Rob67

    Let’s celebrate today’s one of the biggest (fake) musician.
    No USB, no tour
    Say a big thank you to the music industry who developed this guy…

  15. Shaun Kelly

    Ha, ha , ha ,ha!! I so wanted this to be true! Some dude playing music off his Macbook and waving his hand in the air like some kind of palsied mutant is not a musician sheeple!!

      • Steve Genzo

        Haters gonna Hate. Of course is for real, there are hundreds of online services that provide storage, this guy cancelled the tour because he lost his usb, like we are in 2014 people still going around with usb key…come on, how can be so DUMB?…and even he does not know, he just have ONE USB? double DUMB.

      • aardvarked

        a) This is a satirical article
        b) It’s “genius”, not “genious”.

        Double dumb indeed.

      • Steve Genzo

        …are you quite touchy, isn’t it, mate? :D (i was just wondering how many language do you speak…) :D

  16. Netwie

    A DJ could show people what they actually do…and people would still be underwhelmed.The only amazing thing about DJing is the amount of people at the gigs. That is all. A good band=fun to watch.A good DJ=?? I suppose if you get stoned enough,and the DJ wears a big helmet…anything is possible.

  17. RockyBourg

    If this were true….

    It was as advertised, “a cataclysmic fuck-up of spectacular proportions.”

  18. Tommy Maverick

    Look at all the ignorance in this article… “Manga cartoon”??? It’s called ANIME YOU FUCKHEAD!!

  19. Tommy Maverick

    Look at all the ignorance in this article… *smh* “Manga cartoon”?!?! It’s called ANIME YOU FUCKHEAD!!

  20. kramer

    Bad jokes. Bad writing. David Guetta may not be good, but your opinion should not be found in article. Quit making bad jokes and deliver the news.

  21. Elenadavid

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