A herd of migrant DJs fleeing the UK has been discovered hidden in the back of a lorry bound for France.
The group, without touring visas or EU citizenship, had been hidden in the lorry overnight in freezing sub-zero degree temperatures, surviving on just 2 bottles of Grey Goose with only Fanta for a mixer.
“It was hell” said one of the DJs we spoke to. “I never expected it to be as bad as it was. I even brought a USB and some headphones in case there were some decks or a little party broke out, but it was just me and thirty-one other tattooed lads from Essex and Newcastle shouting ‘IBEEEEEFAAAA!’ in the back of a truck.”
“Ibiza? We never even made it out of fucking Dover.”
“Imagine this for a second… you’re in freezing-cold shitheap travelling across France. You’re packed into it like cattle. Actually no, like dirt. Subhuman dirt. You can’t move for rowdy wannabe DJs falling over you, getting sick on you and screaming to be let out.”
“That was the Ryanair flight I got over last year.”
“Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have that again! Instead, I’m stuck here in a fucking ferry terminal in Dover waiting for a Police escort home.
“Hopefully Butlins puts on a few gigs over the winter, they’re usually a good laugh.”
“Do you need a visa for Butlins?”