Man Kicked Out Of Nightclub For Not Facing DJ
A young man was reportedly kicked out of a London nightclub last weekend after brazenly not facing the DJ.
“Put simply the young man in question was ejected from the club after taking it into his head that the DJ was somehow not the most important person in the room and deserving of being aggressively stared at by everyone,” claimed a spokesperson for Vanity clubnight. “What that basically means is that he recklessly contravened years of clubbing protocol by turning his back on the DJ repeatedly, faced the back of the room and his friends.”
“I’m still trying to get my head around the idea that someone could come to a club and not know that the DJ is the centre of attention and where you should be looking at all times,” he continued. “I just don’t see how anyone could find what he did fun.”
The man who was kicked out, 25-year-old Liam Cusack (pictured being ejected by security), claimed that “facing the DJ is boring cause all it is is a person pushing some buttons” and that “it’s much more fun to dance with [his] friend Dave and that hot girl in the green top who looked at me for a second and asked for a sip of [his] water”.
The DJ in question, Adam Bronson, who plays whatever genre he’s told and lists himself as DJ/Personal Trainer/Model on his Linkedin profile and exclusively wears black t-shirts two sizes too small, said he was appalled and gobsmacked that Liam didn’t give him the attention he feels he so richly deserves.
“Well obviously I was shocked when I looked out into the crowd and saw that some weirdo wasn’t staring intently at me while I played,” explained Adam. “I’ve just never seen that done before. He obviously has no regard for the performance I was putting on, I mean sure he was dancing and looked to be having a good time but he didn’t see me do one fist pump or aggressive knob twiddle and isn’t that what matters?”
“I can see how the bouncers had no choice but to eject him, what if everyone didn’t look at the DJ when they were out clubbing, what would we look at? Each other?” asked the exasperated DJ. “Don’t be silly, the DJ and not each other is the most important thing in the room and deserves to be adoringly ogled.”
Adam was shaken up after the incident but is reportedly on the mend having had his ego stroked for the last number of days by fans tweeting their support and adoration.
“I felt terrible when it happened,” he admitted, “but thankfully I partied afterwards and luckily I was the centre of attention, got some free coke and a blowjob so I’m alright now.”
The club stand by their decision to eject Liam and have warned that anyone caught not facing the DJ or “going rogue” in the future will be ejected immediately.