Reports from Nevada indicate that a change in law will allow Las Vegas based DJs to take money directly from their fans’ pockets.
The news comes as little surprise, as the robbery of fans in Vegas has become commonplace in recent years, although, up until now, was mostly carried out by club owners through extortionate entrance fees.
“I’m sick of having to work in big clubs and make millions of dollars for club owners, all just to earn a couple of hundred thousand dollars a show,” explained Scottish musical charlatan Calvin Harris. “People aren’t paying ridiculous amounts of money to see the inside of some converted hotel convention room or because they think the decor is nice, they’re paying it because people like me are awesome and they want to see us richer than we already are.”
“I think the changes to the law which allow DJs like me to take money directly from our fan’s pockets are brilliant. I’m just surprised it’s taken so long to happen,” continued Harris, with the charm and charisma of a piece of out of date haggis. “From now on, I’m not even going to play in clubs. I’ll just set up some sort of throne on the strip and allow my fans to come and bask in my glory while I empty their pockets of any cash they have.”
“I think I’ve earned the right to be able to make obscene amounts of money for doing absolutely nothing by now,” claimed Harris, who actually has been earning obscene amounts of money for doing absolutely nothing for about five years now. “And if you disagree with that, I’ll have you killed. I have enough money to do that, I have enough money to have anybody killed.”
Susanne Swift, a croupier at a famous Las Vegas casino (check up first deposit bonuses) and EDM fan, claims that she has absolutely no problem with her favourite DJs taking her hard earned money directly from her pocket despite being nearly fifty thousand dollars in debt.
“Wow it’s totally brilliant, I can’t wait to have my favourite DJs taking my money,” said Swift excitedly. “I mean, I don’t have very much money in my pockets for them to take, because I only earn slightly more than minimum wage, but those guys can totally have it, maybe one of them will fall in love with me when they’re taking it and we’ll get married and live happily ever after. That would be super-awesome.”
According to the Las Vegas DJ’s Union, the act of taking the money from fan’s pockets will not be carried out by the DJs themselves but by state appointed representatives who will deliver the money to the DJs for a ten percent fee.
