Festival drug testing stalls in Australia are a “great place to spot wimps”, according to one “hard as nails cunt”.
The Australian Drug Law Reform Foundation have been lobbying to trial drug testing facilites at Australian festivals this summer but Peter Ficarrotta, a self confessed “drug fiend”, claims that anybody testing their drugs probably shouldn’t be taking them in the first place because they’re obviously “pussies and nonces”.
“Drugs are fucking brilliant mate, the more dangerous they are the better they are it’s as simple as that,” explained Mr Ficarrotta during a catch up with Wunderground. “I’m a hard as nails cunt, you can ask anybody around here and they’ll tell you, so I won’t even take drugs unless there’s a real chance that they’re going to kill me. I’ve been resuscitated by paramedics at least four times and it’s fucking awesome.”
“I’ve heard that they’re going to have stalls where you can test your drugs at festivals this summer,” revealed Ficarrotta, a small time ecstasy dealer and full time shit bag. “What a load of shit. Why would you want to test your drugs? Not knowing what it is part of the rush. I’ve got two rules; if it’s good, take more and if it’s not good, take way more. So far they’ve served me well.”
“The only thing drug testing stalls will do at festivals is make it easier to spot the wimps,” continued Ficarrotta. “Which is pretty good for me I suppose because there’s nothing I like better then getting pilled up and starting a few fights. Nobody wants to fight with someone who’s going to give them a fair go or even beat them so I’ll just hang about outside the drug testing stall and pick fights with the smallest and weakest looking wimps I can find. That way everybody’s happy, except the little wimps I’ve battered but at least they’ll only have to worry about me putting them in hospital and not their pills.”
According to reports, the drug testing stalls will be located directly next to the “vegan food stalls”, which will help to keep all of the wimps and the dick heads confined to the same area.
