A man who claimed that he doesn’t need to take drugs to enjoy a night out has reportedly drank a full bottle of vodka before leaving his house.
Matt Blair, know locally as a bit of self righteous twat, is believed to have taken the moral high ground over a number of his friends following a night out last weekend, despite having ended his night in his local hospital having his stomach pumped.
“Some of my mates are proper fucking mugs, I’m telling you,” claimed Matt yesterday. “They can’t go to a club without getting of their fucking heads, the daft cunts. I always say if you need drugs to enjoy yourself you’re not doing it right. Throw ten double vodkas down your neck and tell me you need drugs to enjoy yourself. It’s pathetic.”
“Take last weekend for example, a gang of us went to see some DJ called Warm in 1982, or something like that, and about half the lads were off their heads on pills,” explained Mr Blair. “They got so fucked up on the drugs that they were hardly even able to have a few bevvies. How can you go out and not even drink? It’s fucking stupid.”
“Not like me, I’d a full bottle of Rushkinoff in me before I even left my house,” he continued. “You have to be smart. I make sure I’m nicely pissed up before I leave because drink is so expensive in clubs these days. At least when you drink a bottle before you go out it only takes another forty or fifty quid to get blackout drunk, and that’s when you know you’ve had a good night.”
“I like getting a bit lairy, shouting abuse at people and maybe even getting in a bit of a scrap, it’s all bants init mate? But my pals who go out and take drugs don’t even have any banter, alls they do is go around smiling and shaking people’s hands all night. It’s well weird. Honestly, people who need drugs to enjoy themselves are sad as fuck. I feel sorry for ‘em.”
