A man who brought a chip van to a rave in an attempt to make money has admitted that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing.
Steven Murphy claims that he realised he had made a terrible mistake approximately half way through the rave, when he noticed that the vast majority of people there were too busy chewing the inside of their own faces to even consider eating a bag of chips.
“I’d never been to a rave before and I just presumed that, like at any other concert or music festival, chips would be a great seller,” admitted Murphy earlier. “I couldn’t have been more wrong, it was a complete and utter disaster, I only sold about twenty bags of chips and most of those were at a reduced rate to staff, I’ve lost a small bloody fortune in potatoes.”
“Normally when I take the van down to an event I’ll have completely sold out of chips long before the music stops,” explained Mr Murphy, who also dabbles in ice cream sales during the summer. “But I reckon I could have stayed there all week and sold fuck all chips, those bloody mong ravers would rather starve to death than put a lovely, golden, crispy chip into their drug polluted mouths.”
“It became quite apparent that I wasn’t going to sell any chips after a couple of hours so I had to think of a way to rescue the day, and quickly,” continued the entrepreneur. “I asked myself ‘what’s the one thing moron kids like to buy at raves?’ and it hit me like a ton of bricks, ‘drugs’ are all they’re after.”
“I didn’t have any drugs but what I did have was a keen nose for business and the natural ability to make the most out of my resources,” claimed the chip van driver. “So I started bagging up grams of salt and selling them, to the most monged out of it people I could spot, as ketamine.”
“It worked a charm too, some of the fucking idiots even came back two or three times to buy more. I must have sold about two grands worth of salt, which probably cost me about £3.50 in Tesco earlier that day. I might not have a clue about raves but I definitely know about making money.”
