An aspiring house music producer who was overheard telling his friends about his latest track is said to have “bored them to tears” following his detailed analysis of what is needed to make a great house tune.
Thirty four year old Darren Cross, from London, England, is known amongst his friends as the “James Milner of the group”, due to his monotone voice and one dimensional conversations about Ableton.
“Am I right in thinking the house music scene is full of fun, charismatic and interesting people, all on drugs, living a hedonistic lifestyle?” asked Darren’s fiend, Kim Geller. “If this is the case, how the fuck have we been lumbered with what I imagine is the most boring man to ever walk the planet? He literally talks about software twenty four seven. None of us understand, or for the matter, even care – but that seems to make him more determined to talk at us until we acknowledge him.”
“He seems a nice enough bloke, but he needs to do something interesting before we cut him out permanently,” continued an irritated Kim. “Even if he developed an obsession with Eastenders or The Great British Bake Off that would be a major improvement on three hours’ worth of kick-drum talk.”
Wunderground managed to speak to Darren with regards to his work in the house music scene, “I wouldn’t say I’m a major player in the game,” he confirmed. “To be honest, I’m not even a mediocre player. I released a track about twelve years ago which got to number one hundred and thirty seven in the Beatport tech-house chart, which I think is a wonderful achievement but since then I have stagnated. I have churned out twenty belters every year, but no label wants to know. It is so frustrating.”
“At the end of the day I’m just glad I have the support of a strong friendship circle who believe in my work,” continued Darren. “They are always interested and supportive of what I do, and that is what drives me on to succeed. I don’t even think they realise it isn’t my full-time job. I actually work for MI5, foiling terrorist plots around London, however I think that’s a bit boring to talk about when we’re down the pub, so I just keep all my chat music based.”
