A man who claims to have attended the University of Life on his C.V. is surprisingly still unemployed,despite applying for almost two hundred jobs.
Twenty nine year old Barry Healy, who has been unemployed for his entire life, believes that now is the time for him to join the workforce because his five children “aren’t going to look after themselves”.
“There’s really only so far you can stretch your giro,” claimed Healy, from Cardiff, Wales. “I can’t afford to drink everyday, smoke weed and do a bit of m-kat at the weekend while I’ve got five kids to support, and they’re not going to be old enough to look after themselves for years yet, so I decided it was time to go out and get myself a job.”
“I’d heard of a C.V. before but I’d never had one,” explained Healy. “I thought it was what you played music of before computers and that, but it’s actually a list of everything you’re good at and what you’ve done in the past. I don’t really have any job experience or education but I’m street smart and I’ve got lots of life experience so I had to get a bit creative with it.”
“I left school when I was thirteen so, for the education bit, I put the school of hard knocks, like the Jay-Z song, and the University of Life, they’re hardly gonna check if they’re real places, are they?” he continued. “And for the work experience I said I used to sell a bit of gear, a bit of wood work in the nick and shoplifting. I think they’re all pretty good but I haven’t had one response yet.”
“I’ve only been applying for jobs that seem well easy too, like company director, I could do that easy, I’m really good at pointing and moving stuff around, maybe they think I’m over qualified or something,” assumed Healy. “I’ll just keep on trying, it’d be nice to have a few extra quid for Christmas, I wanted to get a few bags in.”
According to recruitment experts, with Mr Healy’s level of experience the best he can hope for is a job in a fast food restaurant, the army or local politics.
