The International Bartender’s Federation has confirmed that the main purpose of bartenders is now to charge customer’s phones while they are in the bar.
Speaking at their annual general meeting, chief bartender Flo McGuinness claimed the art of drink pouring and mixology now taking a backseat to plugging people’s phones in behind the bar.
“As bartenders, our entire being is centered around making sure that our customers are happy,” McGuinness explained earlier.
“Up until a few years ago, we did this by making sure that everyone’s drinks were well prepared and potent enough to help people forget how shit real life is.”
“But now, it seems that people are more interested in free wifi and looking at their phones while they’re sitting in bars than they are is drowning their sorrows,” she continued.
“Nowadays, making sure our wifi passwords are clearly displayed at all times and charging customers phones are far more important than pouring drinks.”
According to normal bloke Ben Matthews, he wouldn’t even consider drinking in a bar unless he had free wifi and the option to charge his phone.
“It’s fucking 2018 mate. Of course I want my phone charged in the bar,” he claimed. “If I’m going to pay for a pint of craft beer that tastes like piss that’s been sitting in a bathtub for six months the least I want is the ability to post about it on Instagram.”
“I also expect the bar to have their own charger, and it better be a fast charger, or I’ll be out the door quicker than you can say ‘battery full’.”
